The virus was first created in Wuhan in China.

We all know that.

What we didn’t know is that the virus was created by some kid who was messing around on an ancient computer. He wrote a few lines of code and then accidentally saved it with a .BAT extension. Now everyone knows that BAT stands for Batch, and the computer will automatically run the file when it’s booted up. There are some idiots who actually think that .BAT stands for that little flying mouse mammal, but that’s just daft and very unfair on bats.

So the next time the kid booted up his old computer, the little file ran and made its way onto the Interwebs. The infestation had started.

This tiny bit of code went off exploring and soon found millions of other computers. There was a problem though. As it had been created on a very old machine it could only run on very old computers, so the death rate amongst the elderly climbed rapidly. Younger people were safer as they tended to have more modern machines and smart phones which made them far less likely to catch the virus.

The worst thing about this nasty invasive piece of coding is that it s nothing like any coding done before, so anti-virus software is useless. One reliable way to prevent getting infected is to disconnect everything from the Interwebs. This is called Self Isolation [or Cocooning]. They also introduced Social Distancing in case someone had an infected old phone that might connect to someone else’s phone via Bluetooth and infect them. Fortunately Bluetooth has a short range and they reckoned that about six feet was enough for the connection to fail.

Experts around the planet are desperately trying to find out how this virus works in order that anti-virus software can be updated. Some total fucking idiots have suggested that drinking fish tank cleaner or injecting disinfectant will work but that just shows a complete lack of intelligence as injecting any liquid into any computer is bound to kill the machine stone dead.

There is however one way to be absolutely immune to the virus.

Use Linux.