Yesterday we camped.
No, I do not mean I minced around the place with limp wrists, Lycra shorts and singing Liza Minnelli songs. I mean the good old fashioned Scouts type of effort and making do with the bare minimum without any of the comforts of home.
You see, I woke up yesterday morning and I realised the room was fucking cold. The heating was off. I got dressed and soon discovered we had no electricity. Bugger!
Now we rely on electricity for a few things here. There is the heating as I mentioned. There is light of course. Then there is cooking [and more important boiling water for tea]. We are also cut off from the outside world as we can’t use the phone or the Interwebs. Even Herself was stuck in one position as her bed is powered by electric motors. Electricity is essential for just about everything.
So I hauled out our emergency equipment. I dragged a bottle gas heater through to Herself’s room and set up our ancient camping stove in the kitchen. Soon the house was full of the glorious stench of propane and doubtless a very healthy level of carbon monoxide.
We sat and stared out the window for the day. There was fuck all else to do. Herself tried singing to me at one point but I hastily put a stop to that. The day dragged on and on. Herself offered to tell me a joke but I declined. I know from experience that her jokes are very long and she always forgets the punch-line.
Eventually it started to get dark so I fished out our old oil lamp. I have had it for nearly sixty years and really must clean it sometime. Soon I added the stench of paraffin to the other noxious gases. We were lacing into the headache pills at this stage.
Then a thought crossed my mind. It was dead calm outside and had been overcast all day. If we are to rely on solar power and wind for our electricity then this was a scenario that was to become the norm. Any electricity that is miraculously being generated will be soaked up by people charging their Noddy cars and trying to run businesses. Those of us in the mountains are going to be on the hind tit when it comes to supply.
The power did eventually come back.
There was a political debate on the television. Eamonn Ryan – the idiotic leader of the Green Party – was on screeching about how climate change was the greatest crisis on the planet and far worse that homelessness or healthcare. We all have to switch to renewables immediately and life will be absolutely wonderful and cheap and happy happy.
Well, I had a taste of his Brave New World yesterday.
I just hope the insane cunt doesn’t get elected.