President Who?
We are to have a presidential election here in a few months.
Our current Pres Michael D Higgins – affectionately called “The Hobbit” on account of his somewhat vertically challenged stature – has done a good job for the last few years and is quite willing to do another seven. Everyone seemed quite happy with this until some fucking eejit decided that “the People should have a choice”. Quite why we need a choice is beyond me if the current incumbent is doing a fair job, but eejits will be eejits.
So now we are encumbered with a fucking election which we need like a hole in the fucking head. What’s worse, people seem to be queueing for the job.
The candidates so far:
Bilbo Baggins Michael D Higgins.
The current Pres. Is doing an excellent job even if foreign dignitaries have to kneel for official photographs.
Sean Gallagher
A baldy little fuck with dubious connections to the political crowd who bankrupt Ireland in ’08. Wouldn’t buy a second hand bike off him. He’s the first of our “Dragons’ Den” hopefuls [yes – there is more than one].
Gavin Duffy
Another “Dragons’ Den” contender. A smug bastard who is probably counting on the celebrity vote. Unfortunately there are enough sheeple who could vote for him simple because he’s a “celebrity”.
Joan Freeman
Never heard of her.
Kevin Sharkey
Artist. Ex children’s TV presenter. If successful, would be Ireland’s first black pres. That would be interesting?
Sinn Féin
That mob haven’t made their minds up yet who to dump into the fray. Gerry Adams? Who knows? Who cares?
Pádraig Ó Céidigh
Never heard of him either.
Gemma O’Doherty
Yet another I have never heard of. Apparently she’s a journalist, whatever that has to do with it.
Patrick Feeney
Who?
Marie Goretti Moylan
Was supposed to meet with her local council to discuss nominations but apparently didn’t turn up. Doesn’t auger well for someone who is supposed to attend official functions?
John Groarke
A farmer who reckons he isn’t making enough money. Apparently wants the job for the pay. I’d vote for him for sheer honesty!
Jimmy Smyth
A lead guitarist with a band I have never heard of. What the fuck? What the hell has this country come to?
Sarah Louise Mulligan
Runs a website! irishwholovepresidenttrump.com Holy fuck! I think that says it all?
So there you have it. We now have a list of outstanding candidates.
I have a good mind to add my name to the list.
What is this world coming to ?Can’t waste a blogger of your intelligence , command of language skills and decency on politics !
“intelligence , command of language skills and decency on politics” What more could you ask for? And I can play the guitar…..
For those of us outside the blessed isle you might have given us a quick insight into the actual powers and duties of your President. I assume , never having heard of half pint hobbit , that it is largely ceremonial and the real power lies with the T-shirtshock or however yous say it?Personally t’were I Irish -and I thank God that I’m not- I’d vote for Gerry Adams…just for the ‘cat meet pigeons’ schadenfreude. But being Ireland, the only real question any of the candidates need to be able to answer is ‘can they make a decent cup of tea?’ And by ‘tea’ I mean proper black tea , none of that herbal nonsense but stuff strong enough to take the breath away from visiting dignitaries….people are soooo much easy to negotiate with if they are spaced on enough tannin to cure even Trump’s thick hide.
He’s much the same as your queen bloke. Lives in a big house and is trundled out for state occasions and foreign trips. All laws have to approved by him, That’s about it.
Draft Kevin Myers.
John Waters?
Gemma O’Doherty is a conspiracy theorist who suggests that “the State” shot Veronica Guerin and apparently threatens to sue anyone who doubts her word on things!
Is she in any way related to Denis O’Brien?
That might be construed a libel!
I’ll await word from my solicitor.
“I have a good mind to add my name to the list.”
Do it! I’d give up my US citizenship and move to Ireland just to vote for you. I’d probably move back afterward since The Wife would be right pissed that she was stuck shoveling all the snow (or mowing the lawns during our week of summer).
I would either have to get the backing of some political party [some chance!] or would have to traipse around several county councils to get nominated. Frankly I couldn’t be arsed. And anyway I would have to move house and I’m happy here.