I had to get a document signed recently.

In my ongoing quest to grab as much as possible from the state I made a little discovery. Apparently I can save a trip to the opticians and get a home visit, courtesy of the health service. Nice one, as it avoids a trip into Skobieville. Not something to be sneezed at.

I phoned the number I had discovered. No problem says the woman at the other end of the line. She duly sent me the required forms, which were simple enough – one for me to fill in and one for Doc who had to declare that Herself was unfit to travel. No sweat.

I filled out my form and dropped the other into Doc. I was told to call in the following day to collect it, as he was busy when I called.

I called in the following day. Panic and constipation! They had lost the form. The girl behind the desk searched high and low but came up blank. She apologised profusely. I said no sweat as I could get another one.

I rang the original woman and explained that Doc had lost her form. She laughed an said it happens all the time. She said she would send out a new one, which she duly did.

On Wednesday I happened to be in the village so I dropped the new form into Doc’s. I was told to call in the following day [i.e. yesterday].

Yesterday I happened to be in the village again and had to get something from the chemist. I dropped into Doc’s next door.

More apologies. Doc had been too busy to sign the damned thing but she would make a huge effort to get him to sign that evening. While I was there she said she had discovered an envelope addressed to Herself that had been lying there for some time. I said it was probably an old prescription or something and that it would be out of date but I would take it anyway.

While I was in the chemist, I opened the envelope out of curiosity. It was the original form duly signed and stamped!

So I trotted back next door and told them to forget about signing anything.

All I have to do now is post off the forms and await a visit from the optician.