The tests are all done and the results are in.
I got the car test over with this morning. It got the usual pass with flying colours apart from the usual warning that I need to replace two tyres. Apparently they are in perfect nick but are over six years old. I didn’t know tyres has a sell by date? Anyhows I can forget about it until next year and am well satisfied [despite the fact that I had to shell out well over half the car’s value just to get it to pass].
I also got the results of my blood tests. Doc phoned me and went down the lists of test and in his usual manner, giving the result for each test without saying what that test was. All I got was fine; fine; okay; perfect; perfect; well within limits; fine; oh shit; fine; perfect.
I asked him what the “oh shit” was about, and did I need to confirm my spot in the graveyard. He said no, that I could forget about the graveyard for the moment [he didn’t say how long the moment would be] and said I had a problem with an enzyme.
Now my enzymes and I have always gotten on pretty well together, though frankly we are not quite on first name terms. I ignore them and they serve me quietly and well. Only now apparently one of them was misbehaving. I asked him the significance of this. There was a long pause and I could hear him rustling through the pages of his Veterinarian’s Bible. “You may have Paget’s Disease” says he, though he didn’t sound very sure. “Thanks” says I, “Is it fatal?” “Not that I know of” says he. “I don’t think I have come across it before”. Maybe it’s a disease that is peculiar to humans, which always throws him.
I looked it up. I came across the usual list of sites and their prognosis varied from “You can ignore it: it’s harmless” through to “If you have any appointments for next month or after then cancel them now“. Doctor Google is nothing if not varied. One thing I did notice though, and I kept a very sharp eye out – not one of the sites mentioned smoking. Have I hit the jackpot? Have I actually found the one last ailment that isn’t caused by smoking?
Like my two tyres, I won’t bother doing anything. If my wheels fall off, literally or figuratively, then so be it. Doc said he’d do another test in six months so he doesn’t seem to be worried.
My car and I will just take our chances.