And the results are in
The tests are all done and the results are in.
I got the car test over with this morning. It got the usual pass with flying colours apart from the usual warning that I need to replace two tyres. Apparently they are in perfect nick but are over six years old. I didn’t know tyres has a sell by date? Anyhows I can forget about it until next year and am well satisfied [despite the fact that I had to shell out well over half the car’s value just to get it to pass].
I also got the results of my blood tests. Doc phoned me and went down the lists of test and in his usual manner, giving the result for each test without saying what that test was. All I got was fine; fine; okay; perfect; perfect; well within limits; fine; oh shit; fine; perfect.
I asked him what the “oh shit” was about, and did I need to confirm my spot in the graveyard. He said no, that I could forget about the graveyard for the moment [he didn’t say how long the moment would be] and said I had a problem with an enzyme.
Now my enzymes and I have always gotten on pretty well together, though frankly we are not quite on first name terms. I ignore them and they serve me quietly and well. Only now apparently one of them was misbehaving. I asked him the significance of this. There was a long pause and I could hear him rustling through the pages of his Veterinarian’s Bible. “You may have Paget’s Disease” says he, though he didn’t sound very sure. “Thanks” says I, “Is it fatal?” “Not that I know of” says he. “I don’t think I have come across it before”. Maybe it’s a disease that is peculiar to humans, which always throws him.
I looked it up. I came across the usual list of sites and their prognosis varied from “You can ignore it: it’s harmless” through to “If you have any appointments for next month or after then cancel them now“. Doctor Google is nothing if not varied. One thing I did notice though, and I kept a very sharp eye out – not one of the sites mentioned smoking. Have I hit the jackpot? Have I actually found the one last ailment that isn’t caused by smoking?
Like my two tyres, I won’t bother doing anything. If my wheels fall off, literally or figuratively, then so be it. Doc said he’d do another test in six months so he doesn’t seem to be worried.
My car and I will just take our chances.
Fascinating, I have just googled Pagets and you appear to be correct. Not even in the ‘what can I do if I have it?’ sections do they say ‘give up smoking’. Vitamins? Check! Healthy diet? Check! Exercise? Check! Check! Check! Smoking? Nada, nix, niente, no-ski…. Shurley some mishtake there?
This must be how Pasteur, Edison or Columbus felt – discovering the first and only disease not caused by smoking? Nobel Prize territory?
If anyone from TC reads this blog, we can expect a headline in the near future declaring that “Recent research suggests that Pagets could be caused by smoking. Experts have said that to reduce the risk of Pagets, it is recommended that all tobacco smoke and vape steam should be avoided at all costs.”
I’m sure we won’t have to wait for too long before it’s added to the list.
When I was scribbling away at this, that thought did occur. They are probably updating their lists at this very moment.
Doctor Google – from mild headache to clinically dead in three clicks.
Where every sniffle is the Bubonic Plague.
Correct – yet whenever I try to cheer up such a Googler by saying “If it’s terminal, can I have your iPad and first pick of your DVDs?”, I get accused of insensitivity!
I looked it up too. Sounds like the male version of osteoporosis or something similar. Interesting symptoms but the one that got my attention was how your skull starts getting bigger. Your head getting any bigger than it already is sounds like the last thing you need. 😉
Oh, and it affects those over 60 the most. I guess I’d better start checking my enzyme(s) ahead of time?
And the tyres? Weak sidewalls. Tires get old the sidewalls get weak from supporting the weight of the car for so long regardless of the mileage. Anyway, it sounds plausible.
Maybe I will turn into Elephant Man and then I can join the circus?
Join the circus? You don’t mean you’ll seek entry to the Dáil Éireann, surely?
Dear Grandad
Tyres age, just like people and bits fall off, just like people.
Motor manufacturers like Mercedes and Nissan recommend 6 years maximum, while tyre manufacturers like Continental and Michelin say 10 years, but inspect every year from the fifth year on.
So says Mr Montoya at Edmunds: https://www.edmunds.com/car-care/how-old-and-dangerous-are-your-tires.html
Hope this helps.
DP
It has an interesting sounding name – who was Paget?
From Wikipedia:-
The condition was initially described by Dr. James Paget. In a paper published in 1877, Paget told of five patients with “a rare disease of bones” which presented with slowly progressive bone deformities in the 4th and 5th decades of age. Strikingly, the first patient was described to have many of the classic complications of the disease, including arthritis related to abnormal bone mechanics, cranial nerve palsies associated with an enlarging skull, and malignant transformation of a tumor of the radius which ultimately proved fatal. Paget’s post-mortem autopsy evaluation showed “bones of the vault of this skull were in every part increased to about four times the normal thickness,” and microscopic evaluation showed evidence of both bone erosion and abnormal remodeling. Although he incorrectly attributed the findings to a process of chronic inflammation, having ruled out tumor and hypertrophy as alternative etiologies, these prescient observations of a mixed destructive/regenerative process correspond to the modern understanding of the disease.
Thanks. It always seems odd that some people, like Alois Alzheimer, have their name attached to a condition but others disappear
*paging Septimus Scrote-Itch
I had a sneaking suspicion when I wrote this that you lot would have some fun.
My grandfather had Paget’s disease, onset in his 50s, made it till his 80s. Can be seriously life limiting. It progressively affected his hearing and sight as skull thickened, curiously opposite effects on his legs where the bones weakened and bent.