It’s a Status Orange, they said.
It’s going to snow like mad and everyone should wear their thermal knickers, they said.
By midday Sunday you’ll be up to your knees in the white stuff and your bollox will be frozen off, they said.
They didn’t say anything about power cuts.
I got up early this morning by curse of nature rather than design. I went for a piss and after getting back into bed I realised I was wide awake and all thoughts of going back to sleep were pointless.
No sooner was I dressed than the fucking power went. It wasn’t snowing. There was no wind. The only reason for a power cut was some nasty minded individual throwing a circuit breaker somewhere just for the laugh. I need my electricity for two reasons – to make my morning mugga and to run the heating pump. Now I had neither tea nor heat. That is not a good start to the day.
I hauled out the old camping stove and fired it up. The kitchen filled with gas fumes that would probably give the Healthists a heart attack but my tea is more important that the risk of explosion. It didn’t exactly heat the room though.
What I hate about power cuts is the not knowing. Is it going to be off for five minutes or five hours? Or five days? Are they running around frantically trying to restore things or are they having a morning coffee break and they’ll get around to things when they’re good and ready?
After a couple of hours that had brass monkeys frantically clutching their crotches, the power came back. I lashed on the kettle to make a mug of tea that was more than lukewarm and reset the heating to fire it up. As heating systems go, it’s good but it does have an infuriating habit of resetting itself every time the power goes. So I have to reset the time, date, year and all the on-off periods during the day. That’s a lot of button pushing in a cold boiler house.
I had it all nicely set up with the heating running flat out when the fucking power went again!
And to add to the confusion, Herself had woken up and was demanding tea, toast and her radio.
The power is back now for the time being at least. I’m going to wait for a couple of hours before resetting everything and have just stuck the heating on emergency override. I’m sitting here with a heavy coat on over a heavy jumper and my hands are still blue and stiff.
I hate Winter!