There are various periods during the year that I dislike.
Most of those are centred around the “feasts” of Halloween and Christmas, with a drop of Easter thrown in for luck. This is nothing to do with my religious attitudes, but merely a hatred of the commercialism and the forced jollity that accompanies them.
There is one day of the year that does get my goat – the day the clocks go back.
I tend to live my life using natural rhythms – my body clock and the natural cycle of day and night. However when the clocks go back there is that psychological thing that I have to switch the lights on at half four instead of half five, or whatever. I hate dark evenings. I’m a sunshine type of chap [to match my normal sunny disposition] and the idea of seeing black windows with no light outside just doesn’t appeal. I just fucking hate winter and darkness and rain and wind and all that shit and they all seem to come as a package with the clock-shift just being a reminder that it’s all ahead of me.
The only shining beacon of hope is that the shortest day is only a few weeks off, but I don’t like to wish my life away.
The other aspect is all the fiddling around with clocks.
Fortunately these days, clock fall into three main categories – real clocks with hands, digital yokes and those that apparently have a mind of their own such is computers, my television and strangely enough, my central heating. The last group I just ignore as they set themselves. The middle group aren’t too bad as it’s usually a case of pushing the “-” button and the hour goes back.
It’s the first group that can be tedious. Anyone who knows anything about real clocks is that you should never wind them back; always forward. So that means going around the clocks and winding the minute hand around eleven times and I invariably knock the hour hand in the process and knock it out of kilter.
Lastly there is my watch which sort of falls in between the first two categories. It is digital, but it has an analogue display. And the analogue display is electronic so I can’t just wind the hands back as you could with an old watch. To make things easier [*sarcasm*] there are multiple functions on the watch that I never use and only four buttons. So I need the instruction manual to change the fucking thing.
There are three A4 sheets of tiny print that I have to wade through. Press button B until the watch display hour and seconds and then press button C seven times until the display flashes and then press button D to move the hands. You know the type of thing?
Anyhows, I found the instructions [I have ’em in a PDF file on my laptop] and set to work. Setting the digital display was easy enough. It only took me a couple of minutes to work that out. Setting the analogue was slightly different. I had to wind forward as it wouldn’t wind back. And it only winds forward in 20 second increments. There’s a lot of 20 seconds in 11 hours [33 I presume?]. So I kept winding it forward and each time I overshot the mark and had to go around again. Fuck! It took over twenty minutes but I finally got it right. My watch now tells the correct time.
They tell us that we get an extra hour today. They don’t tell us that we’ll spend most of that hour fucking around with clocks and watches.
I think they are all done now. Apart from the oven and the microwave, that is.
And the car.
I always forget to do the car.