Phoney promises
I have received quite a few emails and texts.
They were all from the mob that provide my phone and Interwebs.
Apparently [*breathless excitement*] if I add my mobile account into my “package” I can put my name down for the queue for the latest iPhone, or whatever it’s called.
Now my current phone works. Sometimes I wish it didn’t but nevertheless, it does. I can send and receive phone calls. I can send and receive texts. I could do other things with it but generally it just lies around somewhere complaining that it needs charging.
So why would I need a new phone? I presume it does the phonecall thing and the text thing so no change there? It’s probably bigger than the one I have so that doesn’t exactly fill me full of enthusiasm.
There was one of those poll thingies the other day where they asked if smart phones made my life much better or much worse.. They didn’t ask whether it made no difference whatsoever so I couldn’t vote. The results though is that 50% thought it made their lives much better. Weird. How? The only things that my smart phone does over the things my pre-smart phone did are basically gimmicks, gizmos and stuff that definitely should be confined to a computer. The only thing I can think of that may possibly be of some remote use is Google Maps which is basically a SatNav in my pocket. But seeing as I have a SatNav already then that function is somewhat redundant.
A lot of respondents to the poll said the smart phone made their lives worse. That is even more baffling. Have they never heard of the off switch? If I have some possession that makes my life worse I will discard it. Why on earth would I keep it? Presumably these people have to have this yoke that worsens their lives because they have been told to have one, either by their peers or by advertising. Granted, some will have been inflicted by their work, but the answer to that is my previous solution – the off switch. Maybe their phone can even be programmed to switch itself off when not at work?
I will upgrade my phone when it is capable of producing baccy at the press of a button.
Until then, they can all fuck off.
Until my next phone can make baccy, then roll it and light it, I might be half tempted.
And maybe supply the odd pint?
When cellphones were still an unusual novelty :
First time I ever saw somebody walking down the street using a cellphone I was dumbfounded .
What can possibly be so urgent that they can’t wait until they reach their destination ?
When I asked this of some ‘hip’ friends I was answered with authority and confidence “They’re all drug dealers !”
Hah! I say the same about ice cream vans.
Jayzus but there’s a hell of a lot of drugs around?
My usual response to such sales pitches is ” I will indeed purchase one of your ridiculous phones, for I am a professional geek, PROVIDING you sell me the model in the adverts , the ones I see in films and on the television. The ones with guaranteed connection at 7G speeds everywhere and if you’ll chuck in that app that allows me to hack into any system anywhere on the planet…..”
How exactly are they supposed to achieve the advertised coverage? Are they directly connected to the satellite system?
Incidentally, another thing my company is offering is FREE FACEBOOK! Now that’s worth shelling out for?
Facebook? As said , DEMAND the app that lets you unleash an unpreempted Nuclear strike or to crash the global banking network. You won’t believe just how useful such an app can be.
Stay away from it. If, perchance, people discover you have one, they shower you with shite and expect an immediate response. A smartphone equipped with pen, paper and postage stamps would be an excellent thing.
Sadly, since the arrival of the keyboard my handwriting has become illegible even to myself. I have to use capitals all the time. I’d make a good doctor?
Since Fox News was censored in the UK much to my annoyance, I am currently live streaming it on my phone as it has the clearest picture. Won’t be getting the new one though just don’t see the point.
Fair play! I don’t know how you watch anything on that screen though. Even a 17″ monitor makes me squint.
Well I am one of those ‘mugs’ that will be selling off a family member in order to get the new iPhone X. That said, I know I don’t need it – my current ‘phone is more than adequate, and, truth be told, the model before that would also be more than enough ‘phone – but I shall indulge myself and be one of those adding to the already bloated Apple coffers.
The most useful use case for the ‘phone is still text messages for keeping in touch with friends, anything more than ‘phone and text is, I find, starting to irritate me more and more. For work is slightly different and access to the Internet and email is indeed useful.
So yes, I am a ‘mug’, I know I am and I wonder how long this will go on before I tire of it.