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Could do better

Head Rambles Posted on by

I think I may have royally fucked up last night.

I was sitting there minding my own business and Herself was sitting there bitching about there being nothing on television [as if that was newsworthy]. 

She switched on her laptop.

Now I have a little yoke where I can see what she is looking at online, so I took a peek.  Fucking eBay!  Now I know from bitter experience that Herself and eBay are a lethal combination so I had to act fast before May’s [or even June’s] pension was spent on something that was “desperately needed” but would just add to the piles of other “desperately needed” items.  In a fit of blind panic, where maybe my judgment wasn’t at its best, I suggested she read my book that is still a work in progress.

I copied the file over onto her laptop.

“It’s not too bad so far but it could do with a little rewrite.”

“How far have you got?”

“The first paragraph.”

Already I could identify with the expression “act in hast, repent at leisure”.  I was repenting after one fucking paragraph.  I told her to shut up and carry on reading.

In fairness, I heard a couple of badly suppressed giggles, so maybe my efforts weren’t such a disaster after all.  After a while she muttered something about there being no romance in it.

“How far have you got this time?”

“The first chapter.”

I sighed.  “It isn’t a romantic novel” I said.

“Well, what kind of novel is it?”

“I don’t know.  It’s just a story.”

“It should have some romance in it.”

“Maybe when you get to chapter 16 you’ll change your mind?”

“Why?  What happens in chapter 16?”

“You’ll just have to read on and find out.”

I hadn’t a clue what happens in chapter 16 but at least it gave her an incentive to read on.  Eventually she switched off her laptop and went to bed.

I asked her this morning what her thoughts were on last night’s little exercise.  She obviously had been pondering the topic as she promptly laced into her own version of the story, which while bearing some passing resemblance to my tale was actually a completely different story altogether.  I suggested she write her own book.  That didn’t go down well.  “You’re the fucking writer in this family” was the gist of the response.

In fairness she did manage to pick out a few of the weak spots which I had already identified for a rewrite [and missed some others] but she has still only read the first few chapters.

“Well, what did you think of it overall?”

“I suppose it has potential.”

*sigh*

   

 

 

Comments

Could do better — 14 Comments

  1. Never read your wife’s diary, her email, letters she’s written before she met you (or maybe after?) and never peek over your wife’s shoulder (even virtually) when she’s on her computer. Bad things will ensue.

    Shoving your yet unfinished book under her nose to save your pension was a decent try though, I’ll give you that.

    • She knows I have that software.  She was forever telling me to look at something on her screen and I would get a crick in the neck peering sideways at it.  It was easier just to install a remote reader.

      I am currently going through a section of the book rewriting it with some of her suggestions [which in retrospect were quite good]!

  2. Two points: We have the ‘ebay’ equivalent in NZ called ‘Trademe’. From what I can see most products have been bought from a Chinese site called ‘aliexpress’ and relisted with a significant hike in price. As for my scribblings- the missus makes a point of not reading my drivel as she finds it too weird. She says living with me is one long tragic adventure novel with a few hot gypsies thrown in. Fair enough.   

    • Herself has a whole range of sites she browses.  If it were only eBay, I could block it on the router and cause World War III but blocking a large rage of sites would be difficult.  I wonder if I could install one of those parental filters and block such words as “sale”, “bargain” and the like?

  3. ” Prince George: So, Dr. Johnson. Sit ye down. Now, this book of yours…tell me, what’s
       it all about?

    Dr.Samuel Johnson: It is a book about the English language, sir.

    Prince George: I see! And the hero’s name is what?

    Dr.Johnson: There is no hero, sir.

    Prince George: No hero? Well, lucky I reminded you. Better put one in pronto! Ermm…
       call him `George’. `George’ is a good name for a hero. Er, now; what about
       heroines?

    Dr.Samuel Johnson: There is no heroine, sir…unless it is our Mother Tongue.

    Prince George: Ah, the *mother’s* the heroine. Nice twist. How far have we got, then? Old
       Mother Tongue is in love with George the Hero. Now what about murders?
       Mother Tongue doesn’t get murdered, does she?

    Dr.Samuel Johnson: No she doesn’t. No-one gets murdered, or married, or in a tricky situation
       over a pound note!

    Prince George: Well, now, look, Dr. Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but
       even I know a book’s got to have a plot.

    Dr.Samuel Johnson: Not this one, sir. It is a book that tells you what English words mean.

    Prince George: I *know* what English words mean; I *speak* English! You must be a bit
       of a thicko. “

     

     

  6. “…some of her suggestions…which in retrospect were quite good!”

    God! I hope you haven’t made the mistake of telling her so?

    • What do you take me for?  She still has the original version on her laptop so she won’t see any changes and that’s the way it shall stay.

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