Reflections
It was a simple bump.
Actually it was less of a bump and more of a gentle scrape against a somewhat overgrowing hedge – a gentle brush with some leaves as I reversed in my gate.
It was enough to fuck up my wing-mirror though.
Some cunt banged my nearside wing-mirror some years ago and it broke off a little plastic rivet which I very cleverly replaced with a screw fixing. The casing has been very slightly loose since then but that didn’t bother me. My little scrape today however suddenly caused the entire guts of the contraption to vomit out leaving them swinging gently in the breeze from their entrails. Fuck!
I set about fixing it, in the sure knowledge that if I left it to Spanner I would get a sharp intake of breath and a dire warning that the whole door would have to be replaced, and seeing as the new door wouldn’t match colour with the rest that I’d have to get the rest of the car replaced too. Mechanics are a fine bunch of people provided they are working on something belonging to someone else.
I soon found the usual problem – everything is so damned streamlined that there are no screws on the outside. Everything has to be assembled on the inside which is fuck all use as I’m on the outside. They must have gangs of flea sized midgets to assemble the damned things in the factory.
First of all my screw fixing had come loose so I had to fix that, [DIY tip – bamboo cane makes an excellent washer as you can cut it to the right thickness.] Then I had to clip the mirror back onto its mounting which is all inside the fucking yoke where I can’t reach. All it was was a simple plastic pimple that had to slot behind another piece of plastic to lock in place. It wouldn’t fucking do it though. I tried filing the pimple a bit. I tried greasing it with washing up liquid [DIY tip – washing up liquid is brilliant as a lubricant]. I was at it for well over an hour.
In the end, I gave up. I knew it was going to cost an arm and a leg but I would just have to suffer that.
In my frustration, I kicked the mirror.
It clicked into place.
It’s rock solid now and working perfectly.
You can’t beat a good kick in the right spot.
Over here its known as a Brummie screwdriver. Always works.
A piece of refined technology readily available just about everywhere.
The owner of a ship had a problem with his engine. It didn’t run. He didn’t know why. He asked a mechanic to fix it. The mechanic came, looked here and looked there, gently tapped with a small hammer here and there, hummed to himself, tapped a little more and finally gave an almighty bang with a hammer somewhere. The motor sprang into life, purring like a well-contented kitten. A week later, the ship owner got the bill from the mechanic. It said: 1.000 €. The ship owner couldn’t believe it and wrote a letter to the mechanic, complaining that the only thing he did was giving an almighty bang with a hammer, and that this couldn’t possibly cost 1.000 €. Could the mechanic please send a new, specified bill, please? A few days later, he got a new bill. It said: Giving a bang with a hammer: 5,- €. Knowing exactly where to give an almighty bang with a hammer: 995,- €.
My respects, Grandad, for being able to kick the rearview mirror. I’m a bit younger than you but I’m sure, I wouldn’t be able to give such a beautiful kick in the height of an average wing-mirror. It would end with my lying on the ground, next to me the wing-mirror, beyond all repair. 😉
I used to work as a fault technician [would now be called an engineer] and one of the first things I learned was where to thump a television to discover the location and nature of a fault. One of my previous cars had a dodgy starter and by the time I sold the car, the starter motor was very nicely dented from the lump-hammer.
Fairy Liquid (or any washing up liquid, I guess, but I’m told Fairy is the best) can be found in most car workshops. It is invariably used for fitting new rubber hoses which would otherwise refuse to fit over the bit of engine for which they are made. Fairy is also found on building sites. Bricklayers mix a squirt in with the mortar which apparently makes it much easier to work with. I use it when I’m fitting hoses on gas fittings. And of course, it’s invaluable for establishing if you have a leaky valve or puncture on your tyre, due to its viscosity and propensity to make bubbles. I’m sure it has other uses. Oh, yes – washing up. I almost forgot.
Another time it’s great is when screwing into wood – just run a dribble along the thread. I have also used it in the past when trying to inflate a tubeless tyre that has gone flat. Apply a tourniquet around the circumference of the tyre, having made a sticky soapy “seal” around the rims. Great stuff!
I’ve actually used the same technique on main frame computers to much success (even though it shouldn’t really work). In fact, I’ve clubbed and kicked all sorts of machine type things back into life or back into place so much so that the toes on my right foot are shorter than my left. I can’t kick things with my left foot though lest I fall over.
A lady acquaintance of mine, many years ago had a fucked n/s mirror on her Ford Fiesta, so I accompanied her to the local breaking yard (giving her directions of course, she had never heard of the place) and we trudged around the site looking for a wrecker to take one off, eventually we found one and I (I brought my own improvised tool-kit) managed to get the bugger off, then you check into the Portacabin on the way out to pay for your reclaimed item, and the bloke behind the counter said he stocked new ones.
So the lady bought a brand new one, and then I attempted to get the old one off and the new one on, must have took a fucking hour, had to rip the door linings out then attach the adjustment knob thingy and figure out where all the arm bits mounted, but I eventually overcame it, that’s about the last time I was trying the gallant gentleman act for a lady friend…