Yesterday was Big Drug Day.
Every day here is Drug Day where I partake of the delicious delicacies produced by our friends in Big Pharma. Normally I would prefer to avoid Big Pharma but apparently I have a deficiency of some chemical or other and I can’t find a suitable natural alternative so I have to pop the pills every day.
Every week has a Little Drug Day. This is the day where I struggle, curse and generally lose the rag trying to decant horrible little pills into one of those little dispenser yokes.
Then once a month, along comes Big Drug Day.
This is the day where I pop down to the chemist for my monthly restock of the stash.
Some absolute genius in the great world of medicals has somehow decreed that my monthly supply should consist of 28 days, so I get 28 [or 56, depending on dosage] of my little coloured friends and this somehow is supposed to last me a month. Unfortunately, months have an irritating habit of generally having more than 28 days, so each month Big Drug Day occurs sooner and sooner in the month. Eventually and inevitably Big Drug Day happens twice in one month and I end up having a row with the pharmacist [“You’ve had this month’s supply so fuck off”].
After years of bickering and in the face of my impeccable logic they decreed that I was allowed one double month per year, so in effect there are thirteen months of 28 days each. However they still haven’t copped to the fact the 13 x 28 – 364 which means that sooner or later I end up being a day short [or two days in the case of a leap year]. Fucking idiots.
Anyhows, Big Drug Day is also a Little Drug Day, because [naturally] if I have run out of stash, my little pill dispenser box is empty. So having returned from the chemist I set about filling it with my newly obtained booty.
And that’s where the fun really begins.
One of my supply comes in a little bottle which is absolutely fine, but the rest all come in those horrible fucking bubble strips where you have to pierce one side and then pop out the pill from the other side. It is a pain in the fucking hole as invariably the pill pops out, bounces onto the floor and disappears under the couch amongst the dog hairs and other detritus of life.
One of my pills [the smallest – it’s fucking tiny] comes in the strongest of the bubble packs made out of industrial grade aluminium, or steel or something and the only way to remove it is to carefully pierce the bubble and then very carefully remove the tiny pill with a fingernail. At this stage there must be quite a few of them under the couch.
Yesterday I discovered they have come up with a new trick. One of the pills that used to come in a strip made of thin metal, now comes in a strip made of fucking plastic, or some equally impenetrable material. I need a fucking blowtorch to get the pill out. Why the hell can’t they just supply all the pills in little bottles?
All this fiddling around with pills is enough to put me in foul mood and cursing Big Pharma from an almighty height.
I need a pill to calm me down.