I have decided I don’t mind Christmas after all.
What I have hated up ’til now has not been Christmas, or even the insane frenzy that seems to grip the population. What I really hate is Santa and all those horrible things that go with him such as reindeer and sleigh bells. There is nothing more guaranteed to drive me into a frenzy than some tacky tune at this time of year that contains the apparently obligatory fucking sleigh bells.
And what the fuck is this year’s obsession with “Mrs Santa” [or “Mrs Clause”?]. I have seen several reports from around the country where this newcomer seems to be the new obligatory character to entertain the kiddies. I very much doubt that Saint Nicholas was married so where the fuck did she come from?
In my book, Christmas is either a Christian or a Pagan feast. The Pagans got there first of course and celebrated mid-Winter which indeed is a cause for celebration. Then the Christians came along and tried to hijack it [wasn’t Jesus supposed to have been born in September?] but that’s neither here nor there. Ironically a lot of the things Christians associate with Christmas are in fact ripped off from the Pagans – Christmas trees? Holly and ivy? Mistletoe? – all Pagan in origin. I stick with the Pagans on this one and am already rejoicing that the shortest day is just a spit away, with the accompanying hope of longer warmer days and sitting out in the garden again surrounded by flowers and leafy trees.
So Santa can go fuck off, with his red and white garb [another apparent must have for his idiot followers] and his reindeer and most of all his ho ho ho. The modern Santa has fuck all to do with Christmas and everything to do with commercialism. The only thing I can say in his favour is that he is a grand example of obesity to encourage the kiddies to eat more. How long before he is banished by the Nanny State as a Bad Example?
It’s also high time his reindeer were reduced to a nice meal of venison.
And his missus can fuck off too.