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Time to rendition Santa

Head Rambles Posted on by

I have decided I don’t mind Christmas after all.

What I have hated up ’til now has not been Christmas, or even the insane frenzy that seems to grip the population.  What I really hate is Santa and all those horrible things that go with him such as reindeer and sleigh bells.  There is nothing more guaranteed to drive me into a frenzy than some tacky tune at this time of year that contains the apparently obligatory fucking sleigh bells.

And what the fuck is this year’s obsession with “Mrs Santa” [or “Mrs Clause”?].  I have seen several reports from around the country where this newcomer seems to be the new obligatory character to entertain the kiddies.  I very much doubt that Saint Nicholas was married so where the fuck did she come from?

In my book, Christmas is either a Christian or a Pagan feast.  The Pagans got there first of course and celebrated mid-Winter which indeed is a cause for celebration.  Then the Christians came along and tried to hijack it [wasn’t Jesus supposed to have been born in September?] but that’s neither here nor there.  Ironically a lot of the things Christians associate with Christmas are in fact ripped off from the Pagans – Christmas trees?  Holly and ivy?  Mistletoe? – all Pagan in origin.   I stick with the Pagans on this one and am already rejoicing that the shortest day is just a spit away, with the accompanying hope of longer warmer days and sitting out in the garden again surrounded by flowers and leafy trees.

So Santa can go fuck off, with his red and white garb [another apparent must have for his idiot followers] and his reindeer and most of all his ho ho ho.  The modern Santa has fuck all to do with Christmas and everything to do with commercialism.  The only thing I can say in his favour is that he is a grand example of obesity to encourage the kiddies to eat more.  How long before he is banished by the Nanny State as a Bad Example?

It’s also high time his reindeer were reduced to a nice meal of venison.

And his missus can fuck off too.

 

 

Comments

Time to rendition Santa — 19 Comments

  2. Mrs. Claus takes a glass or two – or three – of mulled wine and falls asleep beside a wood fire while the bearded hubby is gallivanting around the world in the cold sky delivering trinkets and toys. She leaves a clean towel and a hefty glass of Jameson at the entrance to a sauna for himself when he gets home.

    • So as well as being obese, Santy is also a borderline alcoholic [along with his Missus]?  That’s a fine example for our cheeeldren?

      SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!

      • Something is always done to protect Santa’s benevolent and family friendly image Grandad: the cheeldren are told to be asleep in bed and not wake up until hicupping Santa has delivered the goodies and knocked back a glass of the demon before clambering back up the chimney.

  3. With no reference to religion, Pagan or otherwise, I’ve always marked the shortest day of the year with a “thank fuck for that – the days are getting longer (and eventually warmer) from here on in…”

    I’ve never been a cold weather person. 30-35° C is about my ideal. Anything less than 20° is to be avoided.

  4. They may have now introduced a Mrs S. Clause but at least there won’t be any children because as we all know, Santa only comes once a year and that’s down a chimney.

    • I have heard that Coca Cola thing many times.  I have however read [somewhere, don’t ask me where] that that’s an urban myth.  It doesn’t exactly make me want to drink the stuff though.  The ony time I would drink Coke is with dark rum, and it’s a long time since I had that!

    • Ah, but combine the two effects and the shortest day is still the 21st.  I can never quite get my head around this ‘mornings getting brighter while evenings getting darker’ bit.  Does the earth give a little shiver at mid-winter?

      • Thing’s on a slant to the sun is why there’s a slight difference.

        Agreed the shortest day is the 21st, so the longest nights are the 20th and 21st.

        Reason I mentioned sunsets is because I don’t even leave the flea-pit until about 09.00 hrs. 

  7. Nooo – Santa is real !

    I visited him once,  at his house where he lives in Rovaniemi. It was summer and he was out – probably on holiday – but one of the reindeer was there.

    And I saw this advert (M&S or something) that had his wife in it. She was pretty fit. Dunno what she sees in an old beardy bloke like him – ooops, no offense Grandad : – )
     

  9. Santa Claus, Olde Saint Nick, jolly old elf (really?), etc and so on. Whatever.

    My wife and I drag our fake tree out of the box at the beginning of December, haul the old trunk full of her decorations she’s collected over the years off the top of our ‘trunk tower’ and place them on the tree. Since she has excellent and somewhat unusual taste the tree always looks wonderful and unique. No presents at all these days since we buy ‘presents for nothing’ for each other all year long. So why wait for Christmas and birthdays?

    As far as Santa is concerned, I never really bought into that kind of thing even when I was a kid. I had parents I could manipulate drop hints to.

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