Airbnb — 22 Comments

  1. When we lived in France, we had a Barn Owl take up residence in the disused part of the building. He wasn't too impressed when we accidentally disturbed his slumber.

  2. A pigeon got stuck in our fireplace and it took me five days to rescue the poor bugger. It really shocked the neighbours on the front having a beer when I walked out wearing gardening gloves and holding an angry pigeon that was cussing like a sailor.

    • You managed to teach a pigeon to curse in only five days?  That is really impressive!

      The front room here is very high [two floors] and sometimes robins fly in through the rooflight.  They're a bugger to shift out and crap all over the place.  The only solution is to leave the rooflight open and hope they find their own way out [and that it doesn't rain].

  3. It might be prudent to consider legl advice regarding squatter's rights Grandad. You do not want an unseemly squabble over property deeds and ownership when you're in your eighties. Mind you, if it is crows, you'll be fine because they know fuck all about legal rights or property. But a golden eagle might. 

    I'm only saying ……..

    • A legal eagle huh?  I have posted a notice that they have two weeks to lay, hatch and rear before they fuck off.  If they're not gone by then they're going to get a bamboo rod up the arse.

  4. Could be a dragon, you never know, their non-existence has never been proven. It could be a dragon using your chimney to store its kindling – next thing you know, your front room is its hearth

    • I saw you'd been reading Lord of the Rings!  If it's Smaug up there it should cut down a bit on the heating bills.  It's more likely to be an ostrich  though.

      • So…you have a mountain of gold stuffed up your chimney as well? Never knew a dragon that would just sit on a sooty old chimney just for the view.

        • Dragons here have been badly hit by the recession.  They seem to be just happy sitting on half bricks now.

  5. And if it's magpies I'd go for an eviction order immediately. Eviction orders are being thrown about like confetti at a wedding right now so no difficulty there. But the magpie is know as the 'knacker of the skies,' where one nice respectable magpie couple moves in and a week later you have the whole shagging tribe of them roaring their heads off drunk night and day.

    Again, I'm only saying ……

    • How dare you say "knacker"!  Please refer to them as "indigenous ornithological species".  Mind you – they make as much mess as the knackers………

  6. While I spent some years abroad a bird of unknown species built a nest in the chimney of my front room, where I had rarely lit fires. So I got the thing cleared out and a cap placed over the chimney pot above the roof. Had to get distemper and stuff for removing accumulated damp on internal walls, and rooms repainted. Fine, and I light occasional fires to warm the room and keep the chimney dry. But since elderly neighbours vacated the adjoining semi-detached house a bird has ensconced itself in the neighbour's' chimney which shares a chimney lining wall with mine. Ergo damp from their wall now seeps into my front (unused) room once more. The elderly neighbours are not contactable. What shall I do?

  7. The only thing funnier than your posts are the people who leave comments, and I don’t mean me. I enjoy your humour very much – you’re able to find the funny side in the most serious topics. Write on!!!

    • Welcome Ronnie!  Thanks, I think.  I think my problem is that I just have a twisted view of everything.

  8. Good Grief! I just re-read my comment and it sounds like an insult.  I kind of actually meant the reverse. I'll just slink back to lurking now.

    • Hah!  No problem.  I appreciate the comment in the spirit in which it was intended.  Keep commenting!

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