The excitement here at the Manor yesterday was palpable.
A letter arrived in the post. No shit from the election mob. No bills. Nothing to add to my growing pile of Irish Water demands and threats. Just a plain long envelope with my name typed on it.
It was my free bus-pass!
This is the moment I have been waiting for all my life. This is the ultimate goal of my existence. This is freedom on an unprecedented scale.
I am now entitled to travel free gratis on any bus, train, Dart or Luas anywhere on the island of Ireland, including Norn Iron. Well, I can't travel on the Luas or Dart outside Dublin but you know what I mean.
I started planning journeys hither and thither and I began to get a sneaking suspicion that things weren't quite so straightforward as I initially thought. You see, I can only travel to places where there are bus routes which narrows things down a bit. And the fact that our rail network is not exactly comprehensive cuts down things even further. So with a little bit of thought I began to realise that I couldn't go anywhere without using at the very least three or four bus routes and a couple of trains, which means a lot of walking and even more waiting around in the cold.
Herself can travel with me using my pass, but reading the regulations I think I may have to keep her on a leash. And if she wanders off she won't ever be able to get home again. I'll have to think about that one?
And they don't allow dogs.
Well, they do, but Penny would have to travel in the guard's van, but she couldn't get that far because she isn't allowed on the bus, to get to the station.
I also hear they don't allow smoking upstairs in buses any more and that trains and even the fucking platforms are no go areas, which is crazy because platforms [and airports] and always cold and windy even on a calm hot summer's day.
Therefore the bottom line is that if I want to take a day-trip anywhere I have to quit the pipe, abandon Penny, get lumbered with Herself and then spend all day getting there leaving no time to get back home again.
Anyone want a free bus-pass?