I never learned to type.
I think I did try once or twice to teach myself properly but I gave up because it was just too much fucking trouble.
After about twenty five years messing around on keyboards though my typing has gone slightly beyond the two-fingered searching-for-the-right-letter stage, and I tend to use both hands and more than one finger on each hand. I am actually quite fast at this stage.
My problem though is that I think up the sentence I intend to type and then go at it hammer and tongs until the sentence is finished, and I always end up with squiggly red lines under half the words. Just as an example, the piece what I just wrote – "secntence I intend to type and then ho at it". As a result ["resuly"?] I spend more time correcting shit than I do typing it.
Either I am still a lousy typist or else ["esle"?] the Keyboard Dyslexia strikes again.
To add to my woes, I have a sort of problem with my keyboard. It's a lovely keyboard where the keys are set into the body, and they have a nice gentle spring to them. The problem is that my V has gone funny. Instead of a nice springy press, it has gone sort of mushy as it there was a bit of rubber stuck under it. So as a result, if I use my normal typing, the V tends to not press. It means that I have to mentally predict when a V is about to occur and give that one key a slightly firmer thump. It is really fucking irritating.
I know the problem is caused by something like a crumb or a bit of baccy finding its way in somehow, but because the key is recessed into the keyboard, it is damn near impossible to get at.
I slipped a knife under it just now to see if I could flip it out, or at least get it high enough to blow out whatever shit is underneath it, but I lost my nerve ["nere" – see what I mean?]. I suppose I would rather have a mushy key than a fucking hole in the keyboard where the V is supposed to be.
The funny thing is that if I were playing a game of Scrabble, I would hate to draw the letter V as I can never think of words containing it. But when I am doing some normal typing the fucking thing crops up all the time.
So I really have only three options.
I could attempt to fix it and fuck up my keyboard [and I am very fond of this machine].
I could just ignore it and carry on before, where I have tons of squiggles because the V is missing.
Or I could try and structure my writing so I have to find alternative words that don't contain the dreaded letter.
The thoughts of that are a little unnering and ery ery tedious.
The thoughts of that are a little unsettling and extremely tedious.