England's chief medical officer has given me [fat free, non-carcinogenic, unsweetened] food for thought.
The other day she stated [and I quote] –
"I would like people to make their choice knowing the issues and do as I do when I reach for my glass of wine and think, 'Do I want my glass of wine or do I want to raise my risk of breast cancer?'. And I take a decision each time I have a glass."
Dammit but she's right. We do need to weigh up the risks before doing everything.
I made myself a mug of tea a few minutes ago, but with hindsight I realise what terrible risks I took. First of all I boiled the kettle, and with a few seconds thought I realise just how close I came to a shocking death. Water and mains electricity in the same device? I really am lucky to be alive! And then there was the matter of the sugar? Am I prepared to knock 120 years off my lifespan and inflate to the size of a blimp because of that teaspoon full of death?
I'm sitting here with the laptop on my [yes – you guessed it] lap. But I have heard all these terrible stories in the tabloids about laptop batteries exploding so do I really want to run the risk of blowing my bollox off? I had better stick the laptop on the table. Can't be too careful?
Now I need a piss. Fuck but that's a risky business! Can I make it to the bathroom without tripping over something and whacking my head off the corner of the table? Would the sudden movement out of my chair cause a surge in blood pressure resulting in a heart attack? On second thoughts, I had better just let flow where I am in my armchair. Can't be too careful?
But sitting in my chair poses enormous risks too. I know all about deep vein thrombosis and the terrible damage it can cause. I somehow have to balance the risks of DVT with the risks of walking around a house that is full of hidden potential life threatening accidents? Maybe I should just sit here in a puddle of warm piss and jiggle my legs a bit?
I really need to relax a bit and stop worrying about all these potential dangers. Time for a peaceful pipe.
But hold on! They tell me that every puff of tobacco knocks around twenty years off my life and I will die a horrible screaming and painful death! Do I want to run that risk? But then if I don't relax I'm back to that heart attack thing, and I don't really fancy having my heart explode. I think I'll chance a couple of puffs on the pipe though, as according to the medical experts and their calculations, I died around ninety seven years ago, and you can only die once?
Dame Sally is right. Life is full of dangers and everything we do must take those dangers into account.
Incidentally, why do they call her a Dame?
Is this all a pantomime?