Another little missive plunked into my Inbox over the weekend.
Once again Grandad I feel compelled to write to you in protest at the continuous nonsense on your blog.
Hello SuperShadow [I believe in greeting even if you don’t].
I'm so glad you haven't given me up as a lost cause. Maybe there's hope for me yet?
You poke sarcastic remarks about our brave men and women of the LAFD as they are portrayed in the movie San Andreas ? Some day climate change may bring disaster to your neighbourhood. Will you be so Flippant then?
Woops! You have once again fallen into the old trap of confusing cinematic production with real life. I know you had that problem with Star Wars and you are doing it again with San Andreas. If you don't like the way the LAFD was portrayed then I suggest you take it up with the film makers and not me.
Incidentally my house is built on a bedrock of granite, 600 feet up a mountain, and nowhere near any potential flooding, sea level rises or any other Warble Gloaming scares they may throw at me.
Going to a Star Wars Convention doesn’t make you a Jedi any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.
If I was to agree with everything on your blog we would both be wrong.
And if I agreed with everything you say then we'd still both be wrong. Snap!
The Jedi propose seamlessly integrated global solutions that are measurable, sustainable, adaptable and recyclable to benefit the world community.
You can fight climate change just by sitting on you couch and holding your breath for 20 seconds. Not all solutions are grandiose ideas. I'm proud to be one of those who will wait for the green light before I cross the road. I'd rather be appropriate than be a rebel.
Er, OK? I just held my breath for 20 seconds and it's still pissing rain outside. Maybe I'm missing something? And if being subservient to a little lightbulb at a pedestrian crossing fills you with pride, then fair play to you. Whatever turns you on, as they say.
Remember the force is balanced through either appropriate or inappropriate action. There is no good and bad. The jedi propose to ban the words Good and Bad from common language.
For example the Clint Eastwood film 'The Good the Bad and the Ugly' would be re-titiled
'The Appropriate, the Inappropriate and the Unattractive'
I'll try that little line of thought next time I'm up before the Judge. I have a sneaking feeling it won't work though.
You are like Ewan Mcgregor, You thought you wanted a career but all you wanted was a paycheck.
Just like you he lambasts his old employer too.
Jayzus but you really have it in for poor old Ewan! You used to run all sorts of campaigns trying to get us to boycott him but I thought your obsession had mellowed a bit. I could never quite understand why you had such a thing against him? Or maybe you are in denial that you secretly fancy him and want to get into his britches?
stopping smoking, cutting alcohol, being more active and losing weight??? Honestly good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Spot on! A long lingering death with no pleasure or enjoyment in my remaining years.
Live long enough and you will be able to upload your brain to a computer. Although with your pro smoking, climate skeptic views this would be tantamount to uploading a virus. Ultimately we are all falling off a cliff. When we see the edge we try to go back but the people coming towards us block us.
Do I want to live in a computer? No thanks. I think I'll chance the cliff.
The Jedi Religion is a sort of atheistic Theism (Relax Grandad its not the Oxymoron you think it is.).
You acknowledge there is a Superior Force but choose to deny its existence? Like a teetotaler with an alcohol problem? Or a homophobic homosexual? OK. I get it.
Stay alive at all costs. Yes we would bring an umbrella to the a beach in the bahamas. In fact We will actually be fielding candidates in the 2016 election. The problem with my country is that it produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
Which election? The one here in Ireland? It's no fucking wonder I don't vote.
The Jedi want to change that ultimate statistic – that 10 out 10 eventually die. If someone asks me did I live forever I want to tell them so far so good.
[*scratches head*] Yes. I think.
Truth be told grandad I want you to live forever. I dont want your village to be deprived of its idiot.
Aw! I'm really touched by that. I honestly didn't know you cared that much about me. In fact from your previous epistles I assumed you would want me dead and buried for my heretical rantings? Do you want to swap phone numbers?
I wonder how many people have died in the village from your passive smoking?
That's an easy one that I can answer with a definitive and precise number. None. Zero. Not one. Zilch.
a new star wars film will be out soon. I will see over 40 times. and then more.
I know. My taxes had to pay for the damage the fuckers did to the Skelligs.
Some day you will realise the foolishness of your ramblings for the last 9 years.
Maybe you're right. But I doubt it. If nothing else, it has been great fun, so why should I regret that?
You finals post will be will be Sorry about the mess.
You have given me the title of this page. Though I hope it's not me finals post.
And then the circle will be complete.
Do write again soon.