Apparently a bar opened a couple of nights ago in Australia.
As part of the grand opening festivities they had some slightly unusual plates for fruit for the punters.
Now I would be only too happy to pluck a grape off that, but it seems some people were somehow offended.
In fact Melanie James considers this "unacceptable".
Hot on her heels comes Sandra Eckersley who considers it "TOTALLY unacceptable".
Then there is Helen McDonald who describes it as "horrifying".
Who are these paragons of virtue who set standards for what is acceptable and what isn't? What fucking business is it of theirs?
I note these Twitter users [and they are indeed almost the very definition of the Twitter Great Outraged] use one of those tags "#destroythejoint" which surely implies incitement to violence? I find that TOTALLY unacceptable.
I will assume for the sake of argument that these fruit platters were not drugged, were happy and willing to do the job and were well paid so I can't see what can possibly be unacceptable about anything?
Possibly these moral police were pissed that there were topless blokes there but who weren't acting as plates? Hence the claim of "classic misogyny"?
There is a very good reason why women are suitable as plates and men aren't. You see a man can lie prone and have fruit placed all over him including his floppy parts. But a situation might arise where an adjoining platter may give him a seductive wink just as her strategically placed bunch of grapes is removed, or indeed some innocent customer might give one of his plumbs a gentle squeeze, in which case his floppy bits may suddenly cease to be floppy and he might rise to the occasion? Someone reaching for a banana might find themselves holding something quite unexpected?
We couldn't have that?
That would be unacceptable.
Personally I think it's a brilliant way to get people to eat more fruit?
I just wish they'd introduce it here.
It would give a whole new meaning to my "5 a day".