Bonfire of the inanities

We have actually had a drop of Summer here for the last while.

While sunshine is nice it does mean I have no excuse not to do a wee bit of gardening.

I have been doing a spot of light trimming, involving a chainsaw, pruning saw and a lot of sweat.  Naturally, this means I have a small pile of branches that I have added to the existing heap of rotting branches, tree trunks and other assorted trimmings that takes up a quare area of the woodland.

I have been doing a spot of research into ways and means of getting rid of this pile.  I could hire an industrial wood-muncher and convert the lot into chippings but not only would that be expensive but I doubt the machine could be dragged far enough into the woods to reach the pile.  So that just leaves burning.

Apparently that is illegal.

From my understanding of their regulations, it is against the law to burn wood or paper in the garden.  It is against the law to use an incinerator or any other form of barrel, open fire, range or any other solid fuel appliance either indoors or out, whether or not it has a chimney.

It is legal however to have a wood burner [highly desirable these days I believe, because they use a renewable resource?], kitchen range, barbecue, chimena or even an open fire in the sitting room.

So by my understanding of the law, you can have a wood burner but only if you buy wood for it.  If you decide to use your own wood you are technically "disposing of garden waste" and therefore committing a mortal sin.

If I buy logs for my wood burner I am being "eco friendly" because I am using a renewable resource and am doing my bit to save the planet.  If I use my own logs I am producing dioxins, carbon monoxide and deadly carcinogens that are going to kill everyone in the parish, open the ozone hole and hasten Warble Gloaming.

If I light a wee fire that scents the air with the beautiful smell of burning wood I am committing a heinous felony, but if I dunk my neighbours into a cloud of burning charcoal and scorching fat [carcinogenic!] I am grand?

I really must start a league table of incredibly stupid laws.

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Comments

Bonfire of the inanities — 11 Comments

  1. Yep, there are still lots of trampolines down here covering up the illegal burning patch in the back gardens. You can burn a human body in the stove but woe betide you if you burn a few weeds outside. Cork County Council used to charter a helicopter once a week to check for scorch marks in the ground. New meaning for the phrase 'carbon footprint'.

    • Heh!  I actually have an idea – there is an area under a huge tree that would be ideal for burning [any helicopter or busybody would just see a smoking tree], but I have yet to find a way to prevent the whole fucking tree going up.  Maybe if I spray it with fire retardant first?

    • insanity

      Priority A: Meet the changing information, advice, advocacy and budgeting needs of citizens, particularly of marginalised and vulnerable groups and individuals – by connecting and responding.

      Priority B: Implement consistent, high quality service by CIB and our delivery partners – by providing services to a high standard.

      Priority C: Work to develop and implement an integrated service delivery model that puts the citizen at the centre – by organising to deliver.

      Priority D: Lead the design and implementation of creative and flexible responses to meet emerging demands for information, advice, advocacy and budgeting support – by creating and adding value.

      Priority E: Measure the efficiency and effectiveness of our service delivery approach – by demonstrating outcomes through feedback from users.

      • Just another qango to make the drones feel informed about all the things that rule and regulate them.  It's nice to know that my taxes are going towards keeping me up to date on how I'm being taxed?

  2. In the USA the EPA has threatened to prosecute  people who burn wood. They have already banned the sale of 80% of the wood stoves made in the USA as they do not meet environmental "requirements". 

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