Big boobs and a big butt

I have another stalker.

I know this is inevitable for someone with my international fame and reputation but this one is getting to the annoying stage.

Obviously she finds my Farcebook page very attractive as this apparently is what lead to her obsession with me.  Is it my handsome image or my nonexistent profile that does the trick?  I don't know but she never fails to mention it.  She started by addressing me as "stranger" but lately the confidence seems to be growing me as she now addresses me as "Gran Dad" which is strange.

Russian letter

There are a few disturbing aspects about this stalker.

First and foremost, apart from changing how she addresses me, she is also constantly changing her own name so I wouldn't know it was from her except that the content is always the same and every time she tells me I'm cute [as if I didn’t know] and asks me to click "bellow".

She claims she has big boobs and a big butt [but conveniently forgets to mention that she is nearly seventy and has more hair in her armpits and on her chin than she has on her head?] and then says she knows how to use them.  Now I don't know about you, but I think I am pretty familiar with every scrap of my anatomy and knew how to use 'em all from the time I was an infant.  I grant there was one item I couldn't fathom for a while and I assumed it was just for peeing, but puberty soon cured that.  So why should she brag about knowing how to use boobs and a butt?  The thought has crossed my mind that these are the only things she has discovered a use for and is still looking for a use for her arms and legs?

Then there is the weird hidden message.  You can see from the little image above that there isn't that much in the way of text, yet the mails themselves are quite big.  So I delved into their background and found a moxy load of extra text.  Piecing together all these extra bits I have discovered she is sending me the entire works of Emily Brontë, piece by piece, so she's obviously secretly a romantic at heart.  Now if she were sending me the entire works of someone like John Grisham she might stand a better chance as I'm afraid Emily Brontë doesn't quite top my list of essential reading.

I reckon I have a few chapters and poems to go yet, so I hope she keeps mailing.  I can bind the result together for Herself as it far more her style.

In the meantime, I have to go.  I have just received a mail from Mr. Marek Koztowski who is "an executive of one of the biggest bank here in Switzerland".  Apparently he has a substantial business proposition for me.

On second thoughts, I'll forward it to Dorthy or Sofi or Mina or whatever she's calling herself today, as she probably needs it more than I do.

She can use it for some cosmetic surgery.

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Comments

Big boobs and a big butt — 15 Comments

  1. I used to average about 2-3 spam messages in my inbox per month,frequently none.

    As I became more involved with the internet I came across petitions most of which seemed trivial or vacuous but some worthy and vital.After signing up for a selected few I noticed an increase in spam received until it peaked at approximately 150 per day.

    Many of these were of similar content to the ones you have described,although occasionally I would receive many trying to sell me expensive watches or sun glasses and there were constant offers to enhance my masculinity or to make me irresistible to ladies.(I am a 66 y.o. widower)

    Since I stopped signing online petitions my spam count has reduced to 5-10 per day.I think I may have solved the problem.

    It's a pity I really thought that I was trying make some improvement to this sad world.

    • Not bad.  I'm impressed.

      I have quite a few heavy filters running here so I don't know how many I actually get [the worst are deleted without my seeing them].  I cleared the Junk folders a couple of weeks ago and there are a few dozen in there now.  I go through them occasionally to see if something valuable has fallen foul of my over zealous filters and the odd time I'll get a chuckle out of them.

      I once in a moment of extreme rashness signed an Avaaz petition and have regretted it ever since.  I suspect my mail may have leaked from there.  Leastwise I am very careful now and don't even "unsubscribe" from lists in case they are harvesting. 

      I used to get tons of the Viagara messages but they seem to have virtually disappeared now.  I get lots of Chinese wanting me to buy strobe lighting or ball bearings or something equally weird but most of my Spam these days consists of those sites which I haven't unsubscribed from.

  2. Does that mean Herself will soon become available?  She must be worth something if she has put up with you for so long.

    • Who knows, but a future referendum on polygamy could make divorces less frequent. We would have Bean an Ti 1 and Bean an Ti 2. 

        • Bean an Tí = Woman of the house [literally].

          As for Herself – You couldn't afford her.  She's priceless.

          • Thanks GD, so pleased  you value Herself so highly.  What does She think?  Could this be the beginning of a new Herself blog?  Any news yet on the blue pipe outside?  What about the dog?  You have been so concentrated on smoking recently, you are in danger of losing a wider audience which may not agree/ but may possibly agree with your support of the campaign.  We all know you are from Eire, but your blogs have become single-campaign issues. Please return to the wider issues.

            • Herself actually did have her own "blog" years ago but she lost interest when no one read it. 

              As for being a single-issue site, I seem to be about the only person on this island keeping the flame of resistance alive.  And I note the irony, that you complain when I'm writing about something completely different! However, I shall continue to pepper the site with the odd drop of triviality as I always have done.  😉

  3. Your correspondent seems a little coarse, GD. Perhaps you are moving in the wrong circles. Take, for instance this charming email I received today from an obviously well groomed young lady:

    Hi!

    You got me very interested. I would really like to know you closer! I want to communicate with you and learn about your interests, hobbies.
    I hope for mutual understanding and possible reciprocity. Actually, I would like to meet and talk with an interesting and nice man!

    My email [email protected]

    Elena

    She obviously has good taste.

    Funnily enough, her email address which includes the 'yandex.ru' domain seemed familiar. I cast my mind back a year or two, and remembered that for a while I had an issue with adware trying to take over my computer until I performed an exorcism and installed a good adblocker. And yes, during that time, in that little black window thingy in the bottom left of the screen which tells you what is loading, the word 'yandex.ru' seemed to crop up with disturbing frequency. However, feel free to email 'Karina' if you're looking for a bit of 'reciprocity'. Personally, I find that having one woman is quite enough, so I will forgo Karina's kind offer of friendship and mutual understanding. Not to mention the reciprocity.

    • My correspondent is obviously batting way out of her league.  Maybe she thinks I'm some spotty randy 16 year old?  By the by, how do you take your reciprocity?  Snort it, inject it or smoke it?

  4. I also used to get all sorts of email like the one you posted plus tons of v1agrA spam as well. But then I switched to different pr0n site and it pretty much disappeared after that.

    By the way, I like that you included an "HTML" tab in your neat little WYSIWYG comment editor. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to do anything.

    • This comment editor is the bane of everyone's life except mine.  It all works for me apart from the HTML tab which does nothing.  The rest all works for me but for anyone else a few of the buttons don't work.  I have tried different plugins and have even tried mucking around with the code, but in the end I gave up and just left it as it is.

       

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