Second hand water
Our gumbint are getting a little desperate at this stage.
They have tried bullying. They have tried wheedling. They have tried spin. They have tried threats.
And still half the country is refusing to sign up to Irish Water.
Their latest tactic is somewhat similar to the smoking lark – if you can't force smokers to quit, then invent second hand smoke and then the gullible public will force them. However it is a little trickier inventing something like second hand water bills. If I refuse to sign up to Irish Water, there is no way they can spin some sort of health effect on my neighbour.
They are trying a similar tactic though, by implying that somehow my neighbour will be paying for my water.
Their message is a simple one: Is it fair that the woman sitting beside you on the bus, or the man in the house next door, is refusing to pay their way when you have forked out?
My response to my neighbour [should they ever be foolish enough to spout that crap] is "aren't you the right fucking eejit to be paying twice over for your water".
Their other line is even funnier –
“If you come to a supermarket check-out and say, ‘No, not paying the bill’ and walk off, that’s not the way the system works.”
Of all the pathetic spins they could have come up with, that's the worst. My response again is very simple – if I pay for my groceries at the checkout and then find a second checkout at the exit door, then yes, I will refuse to pay and I will walk off. That's the way my system works.
They are trying the old ploy of "divide and conquer". They have already tried that with the protests trying to convince us that anyone who protests is a criminal and a lout, but that didn't work. They even tried arresting protesters to prove they are criminals, but the law said otherwise.
So now they are trying to set neighbour against neighbour?
Judging by the number of water pipes sticking out of the ground and waving in the wind up my lane, that isn't going to work either.
On a point of order Mr Chairman, isn't secondhand water, by definition, urine? However, I digress.
I await the establishment of "Irish Air." There is an urgent need for this to preserve our precious oxygen from morons who breathe it in, and convert it to cargo dioxide, a gas that contributes to global warming.
The user pays of course but people are just going to have to learn to hold their breathe more often so that out precious children have oxygen for their futures. A 'breaths-per-hour' can be set and smartwatch meters can be installed in people to measure usage at all times and upload totals to the Revenue. Simples!
There's a right EU bollicking coming down the line for the government on this one and it looks like they are shitting themselves.
If they shit themselves they can damn well pay for their own sewage.