The Piss Grandad Off Feature

The old birthday is rearing its ugly head next week.

Normally I don't bother with birthdays.  They're just another reminder of the passing of time, but this one is apparently "special", so I am to enjoy it whether I enjoy it or not.

I confess to being a bit of a problem person when it comes to presents as my needs are simple and my larder is full.  I got a bit pissed off with clothing so now the procedure is that Herself orders me to buy anything I want and charge it to her account [overlooking the point that it’s a joint account].  That's fine and lovely but even when presented with a blank cheque I struggle to find myself something.

This time, in desperation I suggested I buy a new mobile phone as the old one has been driving me mad.  She thought that this was a brilliant idea and I was to make sure it was an expensive one.

I did a fair bit of research and eventually found one that looked reasonable and wouldn't break the bank.  I ordered it on-line on Monday to be sure it would arrive by the Big Day.

The damn thing arrived yesterday!

Naturally I had to make sure it worked?

It's not a bad piece of kit.  It's a hell of a lot better than the old one as it has a bigger screen and the typing is a lot easier.  It also has voice recognition which is better still, as then I don't have to do any typing at all.

There's a but.

There's always a but.

I have a theory that all modern technology is designed with a built in Piss Grandad Off feature, and sure enough, my new acquisition didn't let me down.

I was setting up a few things and at some stage I must have connected to my Google account.  Massive mistake!  I glanced at my Contacts list and the fucking thing had doubled in size.  The fucking phone had downloaded all my Google contacts, none of whom had provided phone numbers so the list was fucking useless.  Spent an age deleting them all. 

Then I tried out the camera.  It's not bad as cameras go though I won't be dumping my Canon at any stage.  However, no sooner had I taken a quick snap but the phone gleefully announced that it had uploaded my photo to some sort of backup or something.  Fucking hell!  I don't want the Interwebs cluttered up with my junk photos.

There is one feature on the device I am keen to try out.  It can be converted into a wi-fi "hotspot", which would be great if I wanted to use the laptop where there isn't any Interwebs.  I just connect through the phone service, and then connect to the laptop.  Brilliant!  Except I can't get the damn thing to work.  It can browse the Interwebs all right.  I can connect to its "hotspot" with my laptop, but I can't go any further than that.  While I can still browse with the phone, the laptop just sulks and says "server not found" or something equally helpful.  I tried connecting it directly with a cable, and everything connected up beautifully – green lights across the board.  It still wouldn't find the fucking servers though.

So the Piss Grandad Off feature works very well.

It's as well I didn't leave opening my present until The Big Day.

Tearing my hair out wouldn't have been very festive?

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The Piss Grandad Off Feature — 12 Comments

  1. Congratulations on reaching extreme old age, have a very happy day.  Make it complete by dumping the new phone in the nearest bin and buying a very cheap model (less than £10) with which you can still make telephone calls without the hassle.  At your age, you might find it easier to operate.  I know I did.

  2. I'm gonna have to email you on this one.

    Anyway, an early Happy Birthday and all from myself. Stay healthy and of sound mind. Yours is the only blog I visit these days ya' know. If you suddenly disappear one day then I might as well shut down the computer for good.

    Oh, and have fun with your new "smart" phone. Ain't birthdays a joy though?

    • I meant to leave a snarkey comment on your last post [about trolls] but when I went there it was gone.  It came back a while later though and I had forgotten what I was going to say.  I just went to find it again and once more it's missing.  I clicked on Home and there it was!  Stop messing me around!  [I think there may be a glitch in the feed or something]

      • Oh, bloody hell! (actually one of my favorite curses) It was my own idiocy.

        First, it took me 3 damn days to write the thing. I threw out my already busted back the snow storm before last and I could only sit at my computer desk for about ten minutes at a time. So I had to remember to hit "Save draft" and not "Publish" every time I added a bit. I forgot to do so just once and published the thing before it was done.

        Second, it took a few minutes before I realized my mistake. I only remembered when I saw that the "Publish" button had turned to "Update". I quickly turned the post back to "Draft" status hence it's first disappearance.

        Third, I meant to change the part of the title from "comment trolls" to "Internet trolls" before publishing since it's the more commonly accepted term for those idiotic ass hats. But I said to hell with it and changed it anyway after I published by mistake the first time hence the second "disappearance" from your RSS reader.

        Anyway, I published it for good yesterday afternoon–I think. I'm not sure about anything that happened during that time anymore. So please feel free to leave a snarky comment. The other ones who emailed me about the same thing you mentioned said it was a good post but didn't bother to leave their comments just in case it disappeared again.

        Can't say that I blame them any.

        By the way, this comment may disappear at any moment.

  3. Oh, by the way. I wonder, since it's your birthday and all and you've reached a new milestone in life (if I guess your age correctly), how about updating the old "About" page since a few things are out-of-date if you know what I mean. I figure on this particular birthday (if I guess your age correctly that is) it might be appropriate since you've reached age (that is, if I guessed it correctly) where the majority of folks these days probably think that you're out-of-date as well.

    Little do they know.

    Oh, and I fat-fingered the wrong email address into my previous comment hence the incorrect avatar. First time for everything and all that. Perhaps I'm out-of-date as well?

      • I actually miss Sandy as well. Both mine and yours (especially her Snady posts). But I didn't mean to bring up any unhappy memories at all. Sorry about that.

        • As it happens, I was trawling through some photographs and came across a whole load of Sandy ones. Happy memories.  I still think of her a lot, but Penny makes sure I don't dwell!

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