Manning the barricades

Apparently the Great Day has arrived.

I received another booklet from Irish Water yesterday announcing in breathless excitement that they were going to install my meter in the next three days.

Now I don't know where this ownership comes from.  It's not MY meter – it's theirs.  I have nothing to do with it.

Sure enough, they are out there today making a lot of noise and generally farting around.  I just checked and someone has dug up the little manhole thingy near my gate that they put in a year ago, but there's no sign of anyone working on it.  It has one of those little plastic fence arrangements around it presumably in case it tries to escape.

I honestly don't know what they hope to achieve, wasting money on an expensive little device that is not connected to anything.  If they think that by installing it that somehow binds me to some kind of contract then that's daft.  It's about as logical as my painting a circle on the ground outside your house and then demanding a grand a year because you let me paint the circle.  They are on public property and don't need my permission or consent, and therefore I have no dealings with them or their meter.  I have not consented to the meter therefore there is no contract.  As far as I am concerned, some blokes are doing something on a public right of way, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with me.

As I write this there is a fierce racket going on.  It sounds as if they are actually digging up the whole lane.  They're probably looking for my existing connection in which case I wish them luck – they won't find it.  To be quite frank, I'm not sure I could find the pipe myself.  It was put in nearly forty years ago and the landscape has changed a bit since then, so while I know roughly where it is, I couldn't say exactly where it is.  I can say where it isn't and that's where they have stuck their meter.

Presumably they are going to have to knock on my door at some stage.  They will either have to inform me that the meter is installed and that I have to connect it to the house – they can go fuck themselves if they think I'm going to do that – or they will want to know where my main pipe is – and I can feel a drop of amnesia coming on in that event.

One way or the other, I am prepared.

The bill-hook is out in the porch and raring to go.



They're gone without calling in, and I was all nicely worked up for a fight.

All they seem to have done is make a hames of it.  It was all nicely overgrown but now it's a fucking mess.

And the pipe still goes nowhere.

Irish Water Meter

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Manning the barricades — 13 Comments

    • Actually that's a good point.  Maybe I should let a gallon or two through per year otherwise they'll realise there's something up?

  1. They decided to change our meter last year. They arrived, dug a hole, fenced it with plastic stuff and then buggered off for a week.

    I neglected to tell the missus that they were renewing it, though it's beyond me why she hadn't noticed. Anyway, one dark night she nipped over the road to see a friend who plied her with rum. It was whilst trying to get home (all of 50 yards) that she finally noticed the florescent construction (with flashing lamps) and, being inquisitive and pissed, decided to investigate. The fence is a warning, not a barrier – she fell in the hole head first. I think it was because she was pissed that she escaped with only a graze on her forehead. Actually, the fence came off worse.

    • That should have been worth a couple of million?  I'm not normally one for litigation, but if Irish Water staff so much as farted in my lane I'd sue the arse off them.

  2. I think you will find all they did was change one empty water meter box for another. Apparently the box they put in last year was the wrong size to take the meter. 

    • Indeed that is the main supply.  It goes into the undergrowth and just stops there, open ended.  They put that there a year ago and it's been like that ever since.  I presume they hope I am going to connect it up to the house?  Dream on!

  3. Stick a high pressure pump on the end of it and inject water back into the system. Get a minus reading on the meter, and send THEM a bill! 🙂

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