Not thinking of the children

I am really sick and tired of children.

No I don't mean my grandkids – they're OK and don't bother me at all.

The children I hate are the ones that fall into two categories.

The first category is the fucking child we are always supposed to be thinking about.  You know the one I mean?  The little fuck who is going to be so damaged by whatever it is the Nannies are on about.  We mustn't drink in front of the cheeeldren.  We are to be banned from smoking in our own cars because of the cheeeldren.  We can't do a fucking thing because it might harm the cheeeldren.  Even sticking a white pencil in your mouth is going to entice some child somewhere into a life of hard drugs.  The Nannies have played that card so often that my hatred for Nannies is almost surpassed by my hatred for these mythical little shits.  Those over protected mollycoddled snotty little brats are just going to grow up into obnoxious adults who everybody hates and it serves them right.

The other category is the fucking children who are after my money.  Night after night advertisements appear begging me to phone some number or other to pledge €3 [why is it nearly always €3?  Why not €5?].  They try to tug at my heartstrings with appeals for blind kids, starving kids, battered kids, deaf kids and just about every other malady you can think of.  They come up with greasy lines like "your donation can save a child's life" as if the brat is going to drop dead if I don't donate.  If they can afford to advertise on television then they don't need my money.  I couldn't afford to buy even a single advertising slot but these charities seem to have endless funds.

One of those is for African [always African] kids who don’t have drinking water.  Just €2 will provide clean drinking water apparently [I presume the other €1 goes towards the Chairman’s fat salary?].  What I want to know is why our gubmint doesn't hire these charities so we can get our water for €2 instead of the hundreds we are about to be charged?

They have overplayed their hand.  They have bled the nurturing instinct dry [not that I had much to start with].  Now when I see a fucking child looking mournfully out of the television at me I just shout at him or her to fuck off.

If you think it unnatural to hate children, then blame the Nannies and the charities.

It's all their fault.

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Not thinking of the children — 21 Comments

  1. Can you spare just 3 Euros?

    Ranji is a 9 year old boy in Namibia. He was born blind and has only one arm and one leg. Every morning he has to cycle 20 miles to school on a rusty bike, with no brakes, bent wheels and only one pedal.

    Spare us just 3 Euros.

    And we will send you the video. It's fucking hilarious!


    • I first saw that video some time ago and ever since I have had a little chuckle at some of the ads.  They show a little scrap of a girl trying to drink out of a muddy pond, while I'm yelling at her that there's a fucking film crew right behind her probably with a Land Rover full of very expensive bottled water.

  2. I go to Africa from time to time – to visit a farm project supported by assorted churches and friends. The agencies using children in their ads somehow need to retain much of the donor's money for "essential" charges – sadly somewhat more than €1 out of €2. Last time I was there, I was shown the books relating to an American evangelical Christian project at a school – the school was receiving $15 a month for each child. When I checked the agency's website, I discovered donors were giving $38 a month for each child.

    If anyone really did want to make a donation, send me a €10 note and I'll take it to Rwanda with me in November. It will buy a pair of breeding rabbits that will ensure in a couple of months that a family have meat once a week (I'm not joking!)

    • Unfortunately the greedy charities have screwed things up for everyone.  When you hear of the head of some charity or other [and a lot of the staff] earning six figure salaries it somewhat dampens enthusiasm.  It has reached the stage where I am VERY fussy about who I donate to, and television ads don't fall into my category.

      Incidentally, remind me next time we meet…..

  3. Here they are not African children.  They don't tell you where the kids are but they give them vaguely latino names and in one commercial the kid is wearing a T-shirt with portugese writing on it.  They are drinking from the same muddy puddle though.  It use to be the Christian Childrens Fund but today it's just called the Child Fund.  Same adverts they just changed the name of the fund.


    • For some reason Europe seems to have adopted Africa like some kind of stray dog.  I feel sorry for the Africans, being constantly bombarded by Geldof and that Bono bloke, and fifth rate "celebrities" turning up every week to be filmed with them.

  4. "Those over protected mollycoddled snotty little brats are just going to grow up into obnoxious adults who everybody hates and it serves them right." SO TIRED of you holding back, for god's sake, will just for once in your life tell us how you REALLY feel?

  5. "show a little scrap of a girl trying to drink out of a muddy pond"

    And of course they don't suggest to the locals that the water would be fine if they just boiled it first. Even in africa they have wood and fire.

    • That doesn't quite have the same ring to it though?  Unless there is an appeal for firelighters somewhere?  It wouldn't surprise me.

  6. Equivalent appeals in the UK always seem to have a caption pointing out that the featured child is an actor. I wonder if Third World child actors get the same pay. 


    • There was one that showed kids being terrified by drunk and abusive parents.  At the end the caption announced that "no child had been harmed during filming".  Spoilsports!

  7. Please, do not give to any agency that spends money on television advertisements. A few Euro given to a nun who has spent decades away on the "missions" will be far better spent than money sent to maintain executives.

    Richard Dowden, director Royal African Society, is not religious and has no romantic view of the churches, (he complains they brought their “insane history” to Africa), but in his 2008 book ‘Africa: Altered States, Ordinary Miracles’, writing on Uganda’, says:

    ‘In colonial times the Churches and their surrounding parishes became powerful centres, political and social as well as religious. When the European missionaries handed over to African priests and nuns that role continued. All over Africa the parish today means schools, health clinics, workshops and an indigenous postal service. In most of Africa the Churches have delivered more real development to people than all the governments, the World Bank and aid agencies combined. Africa’s networks of priests, nuns and Church workers are one of Africa’s more effective organizations. When states like Congo, Ghana, Angola, Mozambique and Uganda itself collapsed, the self­-sufficient parishes used their moral authority to provide protection. Like the monasteries in Europe during the Dark Ages, they kept civilization going’.


    • So the "pennies for the black babies" of my childhood have borne fruit eh? 30 pennies, brought each day to primary school during a calendar month, 'bought' a black baby. Next time I meet a sharp fella from West Africa offering to sell me a reduced rate SIM card on the street I'll bargain with him saying his grandad probably owes me a 70 cent discount from way back.

      Seriously, that atheist bloke from the Royal African Society speaks historical sense, and I share your view about expensive television advertising by sponsorship charities.


  8. Just another reason that justifies my decision to not allow any television hook up in my home whatsoever (meaning cable or satellite, using an antennae is long dead and gone). Sure, my wife and I have an up-to-date home entertainment system but it's only used to watch movies, DVD and Blu Ray but no streaming since  you get commercials that way as well.

    We'll help our family members if they need it and our neighbors if they need it as well but that's about the extent of our charitable abilities.

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