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The general overhaul of the Manor continues apace.

The floor has been ripped up, the leaking heating pipe replaced and the floor relaid.

The skip duly arrived, was filled with the contents of the garage and was collected this morning.

My driveway is now my own again.

The next phase is to install a boiler for the heating.  The yoke we have at the moment sits in the kitchen.  It looks like a fire but actually burns kerosene.  And when I say it burns kerosene I mean it really burns the stuff.  We damn near need our own kerosene mine just to keep the fucking thing lukewarm.

We don't have gas around here and I wouldn't use it if we had.  I distrust gas, particularly since the time Herself tried to blow me up.  I escaped with a loss of facial hair and the skin off both hands but I have distrusted gas [and Herself] ever since.

The modern obsession seems to be log burners.  From what I read in the property pages, no house is complete without its log burner in the sitting room.  Now I love the smell of burning wood, but log burners have a couple of tiny snags.  They have to be lit and then fed an endless stream of wood.  Granted, I have plenty available space to store logs and even have the trees to be cut up, but someone [i.e. me] has to fell the trees, cut up the trunks, chop the slices into manageable logs and then cart the stuff to the woodshed.  And then every day I would have to lug those logs into the house and feed the boiler.  That sound like a hell of a lot of work.  I don't like work any more.

I was leaning towards getting a high efficiency oil burner as that has all the advantages of convenience and automation.

But then I received an email.

Hello! 

I am a glamorous and passionate lady with flames in my soul. My name is Ilona. I am always natural and I want to find a person that can be himself with me and I need a man, who wants to build future and life together with love and care. I want my man to be an honest person. I prefer spending my free time very active, I like animals and communication with them, I enjoy cooking. Tell me about your ordinary days! 

Goodbye, Ilona. 

Of course I replied and even sent her the air fare.

I'll install her in the garage and her soul can heat my house.  All I have to do is throw her a few potatoes and a bit of cabbage every day.

And when she's not heating the house she can chat to Penny.

I think that's an ideal solution.

Ilona

Central Heating Boiler [aka Ilona]

 

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Comments

Hot women — 19 Comments

    • I saw a bit of Sharon last night [and I'm NOT saying which bit].  I thought she was over made-up, and now I know why.  It's wonderful what they can do with make-up these days…..

  1. Where can I get one?

    You should see the price of heating oil over here and she can't smoke as much as my old boiler!

     

    • I'll ask her if she has a sister.

      My sympathies about the smoking.  My Old Boiler costs me a fortune in cigarettes.

    • In a follow-up email she said she could promise me "plenty of wood".  I wasn't sure what she meant, but maybe she means she'll carry in the logs?

  2. I made a comment just now, posted and it disappeared into cyberspace…or maybe your spam filter caught it? Would you mind checking? It was a one liner and contained the words "rushin' br-eye-ds" in it (spelled correctly of course).

  3. Oh, fer crissakes! Now both of the comments showed up on the 4th refresh. It takes away from the whole joke it does. Never mind then

      • Nah, I wasn't blaming your site at all. It must be a funky browser day or something as a bunch of web related items are acting unusual. And I just rebuilt my Firefox profile a couple of months ago too. It was only about 3 years old.

        • Of course you were blaming my site.  Incidentally, my browser works perfecly apart from crashing nearly every time I shut it down.  Apparently it doesn't like being bossed around?

  4. As I said last night concentrate on cutting the timber,never mind them russian supermodels looking after your wood.

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