It's a bit of a while since I was this knackered.

Wednesday was the worst.  Up at five in the morning which is a crime, if ever.  Then I spent hours mooching around the hospital, drinking gallons of coffee [it was nice coffee, actually] and chatting up the nurses.  At one stage I even had a fry-up breakfast [I never eat breakfast] just to pass the time.  I presumed because it was served up in a hospital it had to be cholesterol free? 

When we got home I tried to have a doze but I was so fucking wired up with caffeine it was impossible,  There was a message on the phone to say I had missed a delivery, so I rang the bloke back.  He said he would deliver the following morning, so I told him under no circumstances was he to ring the door bell, and to just leave the parcel on the doormat.  He agreed to that.  I went to bed looking forward to a grand lie-in.

The fucking doorbell went at nine.  The twat had decided that because there was a car there that I must be in.  He won't be delivering here again in a hurry.

Then the Delightful Daughter phoned in a panic.  Her laptop is bust and she knows I'm an expert because I keep breaking mine.  I said I would try to fix it.  Fucking thing had me demented.  It kept switching itself off for no reason, not that it made any difference because it wouldn't load anything anyway.  I fucked it in a corner and went to bed with the blissful thoughts of a grand lie-in.

The Atomic Energy Commission woke me at nine this morning to fix my central heating.  I had to let 'em in otherwise the Merkans might make it an excuse to invade me.  They did a great job and they replaced my molten red reactor vessel with a larger pale blue one.  If I have enough breakdowns will I graduate to a black one?

So maybe tomorrow I shall have my lie-in.

If anyone disturbs me this time, there will be blood spilled.