I am not a plumber.
Having said that, I did once install a full central heating system including a Baxi back-boiler fire with the aid of a library book and a lot of sweat. When I cracked the input tap for the first time to fill the system, I only found one small leak and the whole thing worked beautifully. I was proud of that.
So I'm not a plumber but I know a little bit about plumbing.
Now however, I am stumped.
I came into the kitchen this morning and there was a most peculiar racket. It sounded like a cross between waves breaking on a shingly beach and a steam pump – rhythmic swooshing noises that were really load. The fucking central heating was acting up.
I didn't install the system in this house, and I can't make head nor tail of it. Apparently it's a "closed system" and it needs to be pressurised or something. Instead of just a pump, it has a setup that would do an oil refinery proud, with little taps and guages and pipes going everywhere.
One of the dials is nicely hidden behind a pipe and faces away towards the wall so I haven't a fucking clue what it does or what it says. I hope it's not important.
The one guage that I can see has a little red marker on it. I have discovered through trial and error that if the needle drops much below the red marker that the system makes a bit of noise and the upstairs heating doesn't work. I also discovered a tiny black tap just below what I assume is an expansion tank and if I twist that tap then the needle on the guage climbs up to the red marker again.
Anyhows, when I heard the racket in the kitchen, I checked the wee dial. Fucking thing was at zero. So I twiddled the black knob until the needle reached the red. The noise quietened a little but not much. I went and bled the radiators. No change. I checked the dial. Back to near zero again. I lit the heating. I twiddled the knob. I bled the radiators. I twiddled the knob.
It's working all right now. It's quiet and it's heating the house.
I got pissed off twiddling the knob though as it's not easy to reach, so I just left the fucking thing in the on position.
The needle is above the red marker now.
I'm just waiting for the explosion.