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The Last Post — 30 Comments

  1. If the gates are well hung (and we aren't talking about your expanding wood here) there should be a way of adjusting the hinge without moving the post?

    • Indeed they are well hung [and I refer to the gates as well].  I have been adjusting the hinges but the problem is deteriorating.  I last adjusted them about a month ago and the damn thing is stuck again.  And it is NOT an easy job doing that adjustment.  Those gates are damned heavy and awkward.

      • Or put a wedge under the middle of the gates when they are closed to try and reverse the process?

  2. Hmm. Being lazy I think I would just on the odd occasion take a plane to the gate until such time as the leaning post actually greets its counterpart…might even have a beer while doing so. Or two – thirsty work, planing.

    • Being a chip off the old block [*cough*] that is precisely what I did.  For a while anyway.  Then it became too much like hard work so I adjusted the hinges instead.  Now that's becoming too much like hard work.

  3. If you have enough space,get a stay wire [steel]- with an adjustable fitting.You should then be able to get the post vertical.

    • Good God!  A sensible suggestion?  😮  Don't get many of them here.

      I did actually think of that but there is nowhere to tie the other end of the stay.  It would end up down at the bottom of a small hedge which is far too flimsy to stake the cable.  I would need a fairly chunky anchor.

      I did think of placing a beam between the two pillars to keep them forced apart, but then I would have to limbo-dance in and out, and would have to flatten the car too, so that's a non-runner.

  4. The ground moves. We had some like that, every time it was really wet for a long spell or really dry for weeks the posts moved. Sometimes the gates jammed together, sometimes they were so adrift that the catch wouldn't engage. These were steel gates on brick posts so it wasn't expansion.

    • Well, I'm happy the earth moved for you too.  You could have a point though – maybe after the long dry summer the ground has shrunk?  I'll try turning the hose on it for a couple of weeks.  Fuck the council and their water conservations.

  5. 'For some strange reason that I can't quite fathom, people seem to be able to get in. '

    What about buying some small steps/ladder to climb over gate or adjacent ditch and pushing the gate open from the other side?

    • And wouldn't I look the right eejit climbing over my own front gate with a stepladder?  I suppose what I could do is cut a wee gate in the gate and use that to get out to open the gate?  Now why didn't I think of that?

  6. Can't you just tie the gates closed with a piece of rope so the dogs can't get in?  A good sized lump of concrete or some bricks would stop them swinging open.

    • Hold on there Sean….  It's the other way around!  I would be only too happy to have the fucking things swinging in the breeze with an old noose of rotten rope to tie 'em shut.  The problem is that I can't get them to sway in the breeze as they are wedged shut without the help of any rope or bricks.

  7. Put a hefty wrought iron bracket on the upper outer edge of the offending post, and hang an equally hefty counter-weight (mega flower basket maybe?) off the bracket. Then soften up the ground as per the hose idea, and sit back and wait as the magic occurs! Voila! 🙂

    • You might have something there?  At least someone here knows a bit about engineering principles..

  8. Just leave the fucking things shut  and go through the neighbours[reasonably quietly ?]

    • They might – and this is just a remote possibility – just might notice me driving through their back garden past their kitchen window?

  9. I have a big mother of a chain saw. Let me know where your gaff is and I'll get yer gate sorted.

    It'll be great practice for cutting up Politicians heh!

    • I misread that at first.  I thought you meant you had a mother whose a chainsaw.  It's quite a good description of some women I know. 

  10. Drive a piece of rebar into the ground at a 45DEG angle away from the offending post.  Place the rebar about a yard away.  Using wire rope tie two loops with a turnbuckle in-between.  Install one loop around the top of the post and the other around the piece of rebar.  Tighten.

  11. Blimey GD, you've actually precipitated a raft of practical solutions to your problem. (And a couple of fucking stupid ones, but that was to be expected.) However, if it was my gate, I'd put an Acro bar (those builder's poles with a screw thread) between the posts to push the offending post upright, dig out a bit of the groundwork on the inside of said offending post, and fill with concrete. But what you really need to do if you want a proper job is what you've dismissed as being too much like hard work, that is to re-set the post in a much heftier concreted hole.

    Haven't you got a few friendly Pikeys round your way who could do the job for a few quid? Over here, for that sort of job we just get a few Albanians in to sort it out. They're good and they're cheap,

    • The Interweb has its uses occasionally.  I did toy with the Acro bar idea [along with my suggestion above of using a beam] to prise them apart but the problem then is that the Acro has to stay in place until the concrete has set.  I more than likely will go with the idea of digging out the side of the post and adding some extra foundation there.

      I'd ask the Pikeys all right but then I'd end up with no gate and a very badly asphalted driveway.

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