Dear Caroline, Alice, Claire, Sherry or Whatever the fuck you are calling yourself today.

No.  I am not in the blindest bit interested in your disposable e-cigarettes.

For that matter, I am not interested in your fucking e-cig accessories or your poxy e-liquids either.

Today’s special offer of diamond encrusted e-cigarettes [“They are treasures, waiting for you come to dig.”] are probably as related to diamonds as a Gucci handbag is to my ball-sack so you can shove that too. Ella.

I don’t know why the fuck you think I should be interested in bulk buying your crap in the first place?

Incidentally, you can drop all that shite of giving yourself cute sounding western girls’ names because I know for a fact you are Chinese. probably called Wun Hung Lo.  How do I know?  Because I traced you to Shenzhen, you little fuck.

Now because I’m in a good mood today, I’m not going to take your entire factory output, shove it up your hole and set fire to it.  I am going to give you some sound advice instead.

First of all, there is absolutely no point in inventing domain names such as green-e-liquid.com or health-liquid.com.  It does not work like that.  You have to lease them first and then stick ‘em on a server somewhere.

I might also point out that to use an email address like sales008@green-smoking.com you have to own the domain.  Obviously  you have the weird idea that opening a freebie email account with 263xmail.com with a username of sales008@green-smoking.com will somehow work?  Even with my limited knowledge I know that is a sign of a complete and utter moron.

So in summation – you are a crowd of complete and utter fuckwits who haven’t a fucking clue how to go about marketing and can’t even provide me with a decent email address so I can tell you to fuck off in person.

I shall not be investing.

I’m out.