Get on yer bike
I hate Cyclists.
Now I have nothing against anyone getting on a bike and going for a spin down to the village or even a bit further. A person on a bike is someone I respect, and if I’m in the car I treat them with respect and give them a wide berth.
No. I’m talking about Cyclists with a capital C, which is obviously how they see themselves. These are the fuckers who head out in gangs, all wearing that disgusting Spandex and a bunch of fucking plastic bananas on their head.
What is that all about? Why the obsession with Spandex? Of all the things to wear, it is probably the least practical as it offers no protection whatsoever. I get the impression that they are all Tour de France wannabes who see themselves in the lead as they breast the tape on the final stage. They look fucking stupid in their multicolour skin tight plastic with bulges in places I do not want to see.
Apart from looking fucking stupid, they are in general an arrogant crowd of fuckers. I was in the village yesterday and there was a crowd of them completely blocking the pavement [what is the collective noun for cyclists? A mess? An ugly?]. Their bikes were scattered on the ground and they all just stood there blocking the place and being a fucking nuisance. I had to walk out on the road to pass them as the very idea that I might accidentally brush against some Spandex gave me the shivers.
I met them again when I was driving home. Of course they thought they owned the fucking road – two and three abreast cycling in clumps and taking up the whole width of the road. Would they get out of the way? Would they fuck! I did what I always do.
I clipped past the outer fella with about an inch to spare and blasted the horn at the same time.
He swung hard left.
The domino effect took hold.
They all ended up in a heap at the side of the road in a pile of Spandex, bananas and bent cycles.
It’s a very satisfying sight in the rear view mirror!
Proper cyclists.
God! I couldn't agree with you more. I HATE Cyclists. I use to drive a '75 Chevy Caprice Classic convertable that needed a ring job. I use to love carefully passing a gaggle of Cyclists. Getting just a bit in front of them and stomping on the gas pedal leaving them in a huge cloud of oily smoke. 🙂
Hah! Inventive. I like it. Time to overfill the old car with used oil? 😈
Same problem here in the States, especially in Vermont where these Cyclists feel the hills and mountains to be a "challange" (they are) and the land to be beautiful (it is). Nothing like coming around a blind corner on a small country lane and finding a bunch a spandex clad bums stretching across half the lane and a fuel oil truck coming the other way.
And what's with the air brushed tits anyway?
The tits are as God intended, I would imagine. Here is the original.
Let's see how many downloads that gets!
Me and my damn typos. Ona? Burshed?
Fixed. Don't do it again.
outfits *pah* it's as silly as the joggers or "power walkers" we have now…whats wrong with normal clothes and a pair of sneakers/runners?
btw i do like the font now, much easier to read and i'm getting used to the comment bit..nice work
I blame the fucking Americans. They're the ones who started all this "fitness" shit.
Don't worry about the comments – I'm still getting used to 'em too. At least now I can hold a decent conversation without flipping up and down the page! 😀
I blame the fucking Americans. They're the ones who started all this "fitness" shit
Ironic, isn't it? The same place that also invented fast food, fat kids and morbidly obese adults 😀
I just want it noted, that I take gross exception to that statement.
Have a nice day dudes.
And while we're at it.. get yer lazy, fat alco arses out of the pub once in a while.
I blame the Irish for…. nothing. Cause ye did nothing.. yous lazy bollixes.
Have a nice day..
How sweet!
Not to mention their cheap television shows, bad spelling and abominable expressions like "awesome". 😀
You're right GD.. I lost the run of myself there.
Glad to be back amongst the emotionally crippled, socially retarded, unexpressive alkis.. home sweet home. 🙂
Brushing against spandex gives me shivers too…
It really is creepy stuff! I wonder if they are all into leather and bondage when they get home?
Hmmm… not sure if we are peddling in the same direction with this one 🙂
Is leather and bondage creepy? Why didn't someone tell me this earlier?!
I'm just going to leave this here… [ link ]
Well….. not ALL Spandex is bad.
I quite like cyclists and bicycles. Prefer motorcycles, but nevertheless a bicycle is not taxed or registered and is probably the last mode of transport free from State interference. I don’t have any gay crappy lycra, however, because it is gay.
As I said, I have nothing against cyclists myself. A bike is a great cheap way of getting around and in my younger days I was never without my old cycle-clips in my pocket.
Does anyone use cycle-clips these days? Are they even sold any more?
Yes, bloody lycra clad eco-warriors. There's a mandatory style of sunglasses they wear, too. Whenever I pass a gaggle of them, I can't help thinking "What a bunch of twats". And as for the lycra, seriously, would you go out looking like this?
http://thechurning.com/images/redbikeshorts.jpg
No, me neither…
Ah hear nisakimand there wsa no need for that at all at all!!
Hah! I was actually going to use that image but then I decided to consider the sensitivities of my readers!
You can tell from the very start that they are all a bunch of " DICKHEADS " by the shape of their hats.
Anyone wearing headgear like that deserves no sympathy!
why don't they use the cycle lanes. There is a perfectly good one near where I live running beside the busy main road. But they are the only cyclists that don't use it.
Welcome Joe! Wearing Spandex and bananas signifies that they are certified green tree-huggers, and therefore are superior to the rest of us. Not only do they own the cycle lanes but have full rights to the rest of the road as well.