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What a load of crap

Head Rambles Posted on by

I love it when the Tree Huggers go all anally retentive.

I came across an article yesterday where we are advised how to reduce our pets’ “pollution footprint”.

This got me thinking.  How can a pet be a polluter?  Pollution is after all the introduction of unnatural substances into the environment so how does that apply to pets?  Are there horses running open cast mines?  Are there donkeys in charge of coal fired power stations?  Do beagles drive around in SUVs?

I had to read the article.

Apparently they scare or kill wildlife and require food, toys, and other supplies that have environmental impacts. And pets often do “their business” outside.

So scaring a bird is now pollution?  Well bugger me with a barge pole, but I had no idea things were that bad.

And pets “require” toys?  The Manor here is full of toys that the grandkids play with and rarely put away, but so far our Penny hasn’t shown any interest.  Maybe what she really wants is a model railway?  Or a radio controlled model airplane?  Or maybe they mean an inflatable Pamela Anderson?  So, supposing I do discover that our Penny is really into something like Lego, how exactly does that affect the planet?

Probably my favourite paragraph though concerns poo.

“The life forms that actually like animal scat are the smelly, harmful bacteria that can make us sick. Plus, these wastes act as artificial fertilizers that throw the whole ecosystem out of whack.”

Now I never knew that bacteria had an odour, smelly or otherwise?  I learn something new every day.

But what about animal shit being an “artificial fertiliser”?  Since when did cats and dogs start shitting sacks of granulated nitrogen or whatever farmers throw around these days?  I have discovered [to my cost] that the shite that our Penny produces is very definitely not artificial, nor is it in sacks.  It is pure, natural unadulterated crap.  What’s more, being untouched by human hand it is perfect for the environment.  It is, as they say biodegradability at its best.

Of course there is a very simple way to reduce an animal’s “pollution footprint”.

Just cut its legs off.

 

Comments

What a load of crap — 14 Comments

  2. Where do they find these people?
    I particularly liked the “unless you live on a farm you should keep your cat indoors” bit.  I’ve got six???!!! 

  3. Good grief GD, where did you get hold of the Poughkeepsie Journal for god’s sake!!!
     
    Where in the world even is Poughkeepsie???

  4. I like to think that I do my bit to keep all wildlife under control. At weekends I drive a steam loco on a preserved line and love to contribute to the ecological scat by picking a sylvan spot and then pouring thick quantities of black/brown smoke out of the chimney. ‘Tis wonderful to watch the sparrows, owls, buzzards and green – liovers crash dizzily into the spike riddled hedgerows and then be be siezed by the local farmers uncaring but ever hungry and viscious tom cat.

  5. Tom O’Dowd needs to be shot.  In the head.  It is his kind who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

  6. How did I find the article?  I haven’t a fucking clue.  I was reading something that had a link in it which led to another site which in turn had a broken link to that paper.  The title intrigued me so even though I had lost the original train of thought, I started poking around their contents.

    As for being environmentally friendly by keeping cats locked up indoors, I would imagine that would create a very unfriendly environment in the home? 

    Toper – “I drive a steam loco on a preserved line“.  You jammy bastard!  What I would give to do that!

  7. The theory of the tree huggers is laudable in its wider scope, but the practice as you say Grandad, is anal in its purity. There needs to be shit and confusion for nature to nurture. Our kids need to get dirty, if only to learn what clean is. And naturally occurring things like cold and hunger, are good in small doses, as is pain and drunken pleasure. A little bit of everything with a little of what’s bad for you, is good for you. Variety then, is the spice of life. 
     
    It’s fucking purity I can’t stand !

  8. John – Couldn’t agree more.  And if purity is bad, then enforced purity is ten times more so.

  10. Did anyone ask the writer what car he drives? And why the paper has a commuting column with details on gas prices?

    It’s drivel.

  11. ”Just cut its legs off.”

    What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?
    Sparky. 

  12. Fuck it – Cats killing birds is all part of nature “red in tooth and claw”.  Personally I hate watching a kestrel ripping a dove assunder – not a pretty sight – but I have to live with it.

    Incidentally I have discovered our Penny is a blacksmith’s dog.  Kick her in the arse and she’ll either make a spring for your balls, or a bolt for the door.

  14. Grandad – You’re right, except that cats are an invasive alien species as regards Ireland’s environment. The only natural cats that exist in Europe are in the South of the continent.

    As a result nesting birds in hedges that are safe from their natural predators have no defense against the feral (or the pet) domestic shorthair cat.

    Comparisons to Kestrelsand pigeons are not the same. 

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