Our ever caring friends in the EU are at it again.

They are dreaming up a whole new series of Nanny Laws to protect us from ourselves.

Their latest brainchild is the in-car breathalyser.  They want the device fitted as standard in all cars.  And how much is that going to cost us?

The idea is that before we can start the car, we have to blow into this fucking thing to prove to our car that we are capable of driving it.  What about people who never drink?  Are they to suffer this indignity every time they want to drive?  Are they to pay for this extra bit of useless fucking technology?  And what about the poor bloke who has a cough and takes a dose of medicine before leaving for work?  Is the car going to be intelligent enough to allow him to drive?  There are a thousand and one reasons why this is a crap idea.  Probably the worst reason is that every time I get in the car, I am going to be reminded of how the Nanny State is protecting me from myself.

Then there is their new brainchild – tracking me by satellite.  If my SatNav says I have left the road, they are going to assume I have had an accident.  Oh boy, but that will be fun.

For a start, my lane isn’t marked on any map, least of all the ones in SatNavs.  So every single time I arrive home, Nanny is going to reckon I have had a heart attack and have driven into a field?  Is my arrival at home to be accompanied by screaming sirens, blue lights, helicopters, ambulances and squad cars?  That should be fun.

Just how exactly is the system supposed to know there has been an accident?  Most cars remain on the road after a prang [I should know – I’ve had a few] and for the system to register a strange deviation, at least one car would have to end up in the middle of a field.  How does it know that that field may contain my house and I have merely driven up my driveway?

Maybe it’s just a panic button sort of thing that I press when I have had a prang?  Not too bad an idea but how often is it going to go wrong?  Am I to be forcibly hospitalised just because I went to turn on the radio but hit the wrong button?

They also want to monitor my progress on the roads for “inappropriate speed” or signs of sleepiness?  Sweet fuck!  Is it going to listen out for sounds of snoring?

I really don’t know what to say.  The EU obviously thinks we are all a bunch of fucking idiots, incapable of making any sort of decision.  They are now turning our cars into their own little Nanny devices to monitor us.  What’s next?  In-car CCTV, so they can check we have our eyes on the road?  In-car microphones to make sure we don’t make racist comments about other drivers?

When is this madness ever going to end?

[P.S.  Tip of the hat to Holemaster for the “inspiration”.]