Herself wanted me to scan a photograph.
No problem, says I. I have a scanner – it’s one of those yokes that prints and scans and faxes and makes a mug of tea, so it’s a simple matter of firing up the Puter and doing the job.
Oh sweet fuck!
How wrong I was.
For various reasons, I decided to do the job from Windows. You know Windows? That all encompassing, Will Do Any Job You Ask Without Any Fuss type Windows? What a load of steaming shite.
First of all, after it took an age to whinge about updates it announced that there was a new version of my Anti Virus. I told it to go ahead and fix that. It did, but then demanded a restart. Fuck!.
OK, I’m in Windows and my Anti Virus is happily cleaning out all the MRSA and Mad Cow Disease out of my Puter, so I decide to start the scan of the photograph.
It couldn’t see the scanner.
I checked and it can see that there is a printer there, but the fucking thing apparently doesn’t realise it’s a scanner too. I fired up my browser and started looking for some kind of solution. There were loads of people with the same sort of problem but they seemed to be all as lost as I was. No one was giving any hints as to how to fix things.
I decided to download all the drivers for my printer. That took half and hour. I then ran the program and it happily announced that yes, I do have a multipurpose whatsit and it was pleased to announce that it would fix all my troubles and woes. I let it do its thing. It then asked if the yoke was connected to my Puter or was I using wireless. It found the fucking thing but wasn’t intelligent enough to know how? I began to get worried. I told it to choose wireless anyway. It hummed and hawed for a while and then told me it couldn’t configure the scanner as it couldn’t find it. Oh sweet suffering fuck!
I unplugged my laptop and brought it into the room where the printer yokey is. I connected to it using a cable. I ran the little configure programme again. Was I connected by wireless or USB, it wanted to know. For fuck’s sake!! Have they never heard of network cables? Of course, there was no option to select a network.
I brought the Puter back to my comfy chair as I was getting tired of kneeling on the floor [my network cable is a rather short one]. I rebooted the Puter in the hopes that something might have installed correctly. No. Same old garbage about no scanners. It did however tell me that another programme needed updating, and that it would only take another half hour to do that.
I told it to go fuck itself five ways and sideways.
I went into Linux instead.
Within two minutes I had scanned the photograph. No problems. No questions. No updates. No Virus thingy whinging in the background.
Most businesses insist on using Windows in their offices.
It’s no fucking wonder the world is in a state of chassis.