Fly with cunnilingus
There is an old joke about the bloke who thought cunnilingus was an Irish airline until he discovered Smirnoff.
Our Sandy has discovered cunnilingus.
She has always been a very clean dog. She also is extremely shy about her bodily functions. She won’t have a dump within view of the house, and is always extremely embarrassed when she has to have a pee while on the lead.
Until now.
She started a couple of months ago. I was sitting about to tuck into my dinner. Sandy was lying on the couch minding her own business, when suddenly the hind leg went up in the air and her head disappeared down her nether regions. This in itself wasn’t too bad, but she then proceeded to make the most revolting sloshing noises. That was the end of my appetite.
I have watched her since. She can lie in the garden in the sunshine all day and the only thing that will catch her interest is the odd bird on the lawn, or a stray cat. As evening draws in, she will come indoors and either gaze out the window or have a sleep.
But as soon as I am about to have dinner she starts.
The leg goes up and the long loud protracted sloshing noises start. And if that isn’t bad enough, she then gives a loud swallow. I can tell you, my stomach doesn’t half turn. I haven’t been able to eat a full dinner since she started.
Some of you may claim that it’s just jealousy on my part. I can scotch that rumour straight away. The thought of plunging my head down into that furry region fills me with the horrors.
I’ll tell you one thing though…..
Face licking is now verboten.
can’t stop laughing while being totally discusted at the same time!
OMG!
I must admit dogs can be really revolting sometimes. Has she just reached puberty? I suppose that would account for the sudden interest. Perhaps she just needs a good “rogering”… 🙂
I thought a man would understand this better than women.. you know what they say “If a man could suck his own dick, then he would”… the same is actually not true of women unless you reside on the “Wonderful Island of Lesbos!”
Cat – It’s a lot more disgusting in the flesh, so to speak. Count yourself lucky.
Sue – Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can! I think she is a tad beyond puberty and in fact is way beyond menopause [well, she would be if she hadn’t been spayed. There is a bit of a ‘discussion’ in the house as to whether she is eleven or twelve. I must ask her sometime.
Well I still reckon it could be worse – my Gracie is addicted to eating sheep-shit and we are surrounded by it as there are two flocks grazing all round us!
I also draw the line at face licking.
How Funny! ha ha – couldnt stop laughing – can just imagine the look of disgust on your face – fork poised mid-way between plate and face………….. lol, x
Eat over the sink, good place to hurl.