What the fuck is it with the Queer of England and money?

I don’t know what her annual pocket money is but it runs into millions, yet she still wants more.  She doesn’t even pay tax on it as far as I know.  What the fuck does she do with it all?  Stranger still is the fact that she doesn’t carry money around with her, so how the hell does she spend it?

Her family is just as bad.  I believe Yer Wan Ferguson has notched up an overdraft in seven figures too, and she isn’t even in the family any more, so it must be contagious.

Lizzie is supposed to be dropping over for a visit this year.  To be honest I couldn’t give a flying fuck whether she comes or not, except for one thing – apparently it is going to cost us between eight and ten million.  For fuck’s sake!  Can she not pay for her own hotel bills and petrol and all that stuff?  I know of quite a few Bed & Breakfasts that she could stay in that charge considerably less than a million a night.

I am partial to a holiday myself.  Sometimes I head off for a week, and sometimes I head off for four or five weeks.  I can say with my hand on my heart that my wee holiday has never cost me more than a million and that includes everything including drink.  So what the hell is Lizzie going to do that costs ten million?  Is she going to go on an almighty bender?  Even allowing for hotel prices, that represents about two million pints of stout, which is a bender to end all benders.  Even I am not in that league.  I don’t know if anyone ever told her but a binge of two million pints could indicate a wee bit of a problem.  She needs help.

I don’t know exactly when she is coming and therefore I can’t say where I will be.  All I can say is that if she wants to meet me, she’ll have to call here, because I don’t go anywhere for someone I have never met.

I’ll tell you one thing though –

If she calls into the pub in the village, she can fucking pay for her own.