One thing that really pisses me off about elections is the amount of rubbish that is thrown around.
That rubbish falls into two camps – the shite that is thrown through my letterbox and the shite they stick up on poles everywhere.
For some reason we seem to be a two party constituency at the moment. Fine Gael have cornered the market when it comes to plastering the poles with their fucking placards, and Labour are doing their damndest to fill up my porch with their shite.
I would dearly love to know if ever in the history of this country, someone has voted for a candidate because of a fucking poster. I have never heard of our Fine Gael candidate. His face is plastered everywhere, and despite their best efforts, I still couldn’t tell you his name. I will say one thing for him though – he is the ugliest bastard I have seen in a long time. He has a face that not even a mother could love. I have commandeered one of his posters and have stuck it in the field, facing away from the house, of course. It makes an excellent scarecrow.
As for the rubbish that comes through the door… Why the fuck to they have to send the same thing to everyone in the house? Three lots of shit instead of one. [I registered Sandy as a voter some years ago.] Again I couldn’t tell you who my Labour candidates are despite having about nine cards posted to me. They just go straight in the bin.
On a point of principle, I do intend to memorise every candidate who comes through my letterbox or defaces my lampposts. I want to know who not to vote for.
If any candidate calls to my door, they are going to get an earful about despoiling my countryside.
Except of course for Fianna Fail and the Greens.
I have a very special welcome lined up for them.