Cats and dogs
I have made no secret of the fact that I like animals.
However, with apologies to Mr Orwell, not all animals are equal.
There is a distinct ranking amongst animals, and their ranking depends on a lot of factors. Dogs of course are at the top. It would be hard to imagine life without a dog. Dolphins are up there at the top too, and I have often thought that they would make great pets. Unfortunately we would need a bigger bath though, so that idea has been shelved [for the moment].
The bottom of the scale is pretty crowded. It is occupied by wasps, amoebas, politicians and cats.
I don’t know why I’m not that fond of cats. I did have one as a pet some years ago, and he was great craic. His one redeeming feature was that he was convinced he was a dog. He loved to go for walks with me, and used to sit patiently on a gatepost if I nipped into the pub for a pint or five. I missed Chip when he finally cashed in the last of his lives.
Since Chip, my attitude to cats has hardened somewhat. One of the best explanations of the difference between cats and dogs was explained by the comedian Jack Dee –
Dogs [says he] will watch you putting up a shelf and will say that they don’t know what you are doing, but they are sure that you are doing it right. Cats, on the other hand will take one look and say that it will fall off the wall within ten minutes.
The reason I mention cats is because we are being plagued by one. He belongs to a neighbour and the little fucker [the cat, not the neighbour] seems to think he has a divine right to leer at Sandy and me through the glass door to the garden. Sandy, unfortunately takes great exception to this liberty, and to be honest, I don’t blame her. This objection usually takes the form of plant pots flying off window ledges, overturned chairs and considerable damage to my ears. Out of misguided respect for the cat, I keep Sandy indoors until she has calmed down a tad.
I am getting a little tired of the cat’s antics however, and each time he pulls his little glass door stunt, he sinks a little lower in the animal scale. In fact he has just about fallen off it, so next time he tries his little stunt, I’m going to open the door.
Sandy is quite impressive when she does her impression of a cruise missile.
It should be fun.
Octopi are reputed to be very smart. Very. Not sure where I would keep one though. Or what I could do with it. As for cats, kill ’em all.
Cats would eat you if they were big enough. Dogs would be too stupid and would still play and demand sticks be thrown for them n’such.
Not an original quote, but…”Dogs have masters, cats have staff.”
TT – Octopuses [octopi?] are only interested in watching football. Boring…
Con – How can you possibly use the words ‘dog’ and ‘stupid’ in the same sentence? Our Sandy is a hell of a lot more intelligent than a lot of people I know!
Willie – Very true. The little fuckers spend their time demanding, and give little in return. I refuse to be bossed by a furball.
Said cat must be bored shitless at home if it has to get its kicks by walking up to your window and send Sandy mental.
Does said cat realise there is glass between it and Sandy and just sit and laugh, as if cat’s laugh, at Sandy going banana’s or does it leg it?
I don’t know whether it’s bored or just plain stupid [though I suspect the latter]. It always legs it when Sandy lights up. Sandy makes for the door handle which proves she is intelligent. The door is usually locked but won’t be from now on. Heh!
Not sure about your mission statement or whatever it is at the top of your blog. It could do with a bit of rejigging.
Seeing as you’re a busy bloke, I’m happy to oblige.
Grant me the memory not to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run over them,
and the eyesight to make sure I hit them while reversing too.
There you go.
For some reason the word Cowen was in my mind as I typed that.
Dogs rule, cats drool!!!!!
Now if it was ‘octopussy’ at your window we’d be hearing a right different story!
http://www.digitalbusstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Octopussy.jpg
😉
I can’t stand cats either and I’m convinced that each and every one of them is a conniving little bag of fur. You could try leaving orange peel on the windowsill that the cat is using. Cats don’t like citrus and the smell should keep it away. Failing that, get lifesize photos of yourself and Sandy and place them in the room. As the cat is trying to work out why you aren’t moving, you can release Sandy the cruise missile at the little runt.