Leave my hole alone
I am really pissed off with our county council.
I think I may have mentioned the lane once or twice in the past. The lane is where our council stores potholes and breeds them so that they can later be transplanted to the main roads.
Because of cutbacks, I realised that the council wouldn’t be around to collect them quite so often, so I decided to cash in on the bonanza. I have been very busy over the last few weeks, as a result.
I have set aside the smaller potholes for those daredevil parachutists. I believe it is called BASE jumping? Already I have had quite a few queries from clubs around the country, so I think that will be a winner.
The medium sized potholes, I’m keeping for myself. The landfill is quite a distance from here, so I thought it would make sense if I just used my own crop of potholes for the safe disposal of any unsavoury items I might have lying around.
My plan really comes into its own with the large potholes however. What I have done is to erect viewing platforms on their rims, so that people can get right up to the edge of them and gaze in wonder at the magnificent spectacle beneath. I reckon this is going to be quite an earner, between charging admission and an extra fee for parking. I should also be able to run quite a lucrative sideline selling souvenirs, such as half-axles, suspension parts, constant velocity joints, exhaust pipes and all the other shit that has fallen off vehicles ion the past as they tried in vain to negotiate the lane.
I was all ready for the grand opening, but the council has fucked up once more.
They have just been to remove all the potholes, presumably because they are needed elsewhere.
We now have a relatively smooth lane. Bastards.
It will be days before the potholes grow again, and I can get back to business.
The city here has been installing new potholes and some of them are pretty stunning. I wonder if they are imported!
Toyota and other Japanese car makers always like to test their new models for chassis, shock systems and power steering performance on worst scenario roads. Suggest you you negotiate a contract for their test drivers to use your lane during off peak hours. Otherwise try placing composted turf injected with injected mushroom spores into the potholes. IDA grants might be available if mushrooms are for export.
Potholes? you should count yourself lucky you actually have roads up there to have potholes in.
After the big freeze earlier this year all we have left in places are dirt tracks.
Some of the potholes in Tunisia actually come with bits of roads attached. Imagine that !!
G’dad, did you check for tourists at the bottom of the potholes before they (the potholes) were filled in?
Some of the potheads in Tunisia…………..
Brianf – They are probably some of mine. Check the labels and see if they say “Made in Ireland”. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
Gerry – Too late. If my memory serves me correctly, one of the tests them foreigners do on their cars is based on Irish roads.
Robert – Here we go – “My hole is bigger than your hole” and all that shite. I call it The Lane, because it is a spare stretch of mud between two hedges that cars try and drive on. It is purely an honourary title.
Mossy – Count yourself lucky.
Willie – They started before I got up today. Most of the stuff I had intended to dump had already been dumped. The rest can wait for the new potholes to grow. As I say – I reckon on about two weeks before I’m back in business.
TT – Heh!
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I’ve some high explosives left over from a previous raid. Perhaps you could use some make your own? Funny thing though. A new crop of potholes showed up on my road almost overnight or they might as well have since I dropped the front end of my old Jeep into one which broke both front struts the other morning.
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These had to be imported. I mean, they had bits and pieces of American tourists along with what was obviously foreign shopping bags at the bottom of them.