I must confess that October is not exactly my favourite month.

It’s the month where trees decide that Summer isn’t coming back and they all start to shed their leaves. I like autumn leaves, but preferably on the trees and not on the ground. I have nothing against shuffling my feet through nice crisp Autumn leaves either, but most days they tend to lie there in a mushy heap and there is fuck all rustle in that. No. I like my trees with leaves on them.

It is also the month when the fucking bangers start. I have nothing against the sound of a distant rifle shot as another tourist goes to meet their ancestors. Nor have I any complaint about the odd rumble when Stoney does a bit of blasting in the quarry. What I do complain about are those fucking aimless bangers that kids let off in ever increasing numbers leading up to Halloween. I can’t see the point in them, other to irritate me and to frighten the shite out of Sandy. It used to be very quiet here bangers-wise, but this year someone has decided to buy a batch and they are letting a few off every night which is putting me in the league of the Majorly Pissed Off. One of these nights I’m going to hunt them down, insert their bangers and teach them the real meaning of A Pain in the Arse.

It is around this time of year that it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid the C word. The full flood of tacky advertising hasn’t started yet, but I have seen them trying to sneak in the odd one for some fucking cheap [but bloody expensive] toy or other, and the push is on for sales of books and music too. Fucking wankers.

October also is the month when the clocks go back. That time when there is no getting away from dark damp evenings. Jayzus but I hate the dark days.

It’s also the month when i have to remember to forget to pay for my television license.

All in all, October is a massive pain in the hole. It is probably the worst fucking month of the year.