There are a few things in life I just do not understand.
I don’t understand how women’s minds work, but then I don’t thing anyone does, including women.
I don’t understand the offside rule. Nor do I want to.
I don’t understand Facebook.
I have a very reasonable grasp on the Theory of Relativity, but Facebook leaves me baffled.
Many moons ago, I signed up just to see what all the fuss was about. That didn’t really help. All I found was a lot of games and things which not only were somewhat irritating, but they rapidly filled up my Inbox with crap.
I did find one little game that was quite intriguing. I started buying and selling people. I became quite good at it, and by the time I got bored, I was worth a couple of million. Unfortunately, the fuckers wouldn’t cash in my account so that was that.
I never visit Facebook now. However Herself discovered it, and a miraculous change occurred. Whenever she logs in she becomes very quiet and docile, to the extent that I am saving a fortune on her medication. I haven’t a clue what she does in there but why question the miraculous?
Something happened last night. I’m not quite sure what it was, but apparently one of the thingies she plays with on Facebook broke. She blamed me of course. When she had finished blaming me she blamed the computer. She became extremely upset. She acted like she was going cold turkey off heroin. In the end I had to lock her in her shed for the sake and safety of the neighbours. It was not a pretty sight.
This morning, when I let her out, the first thing she did was to check her Facebook. Whatever it was that was broken was obviously fixed again. She sat there with a quiet contented smile on her face, oblivious to the world. I had to remind her to go and put some clothes on.
Facebook is weird. Apparently I have 132 friends, most of whom I have never heard of. Some of them even claim to be relatives. There is a queue of people who have patiently been waiting to be my friend for the last year or so. Even U2 can’t command that level of loyalty?
I’m a bit afraid of it now. Having seen its effect on Herself, it is obviously dangerous stuff.
I think I’ll just stick with the friends I can have a pint with.