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Research has found — 12 Comments

  1. I have obtained world exclusive evidence for you. You’ll never believe this… but being born increases your risk of dying.

    Oh yes. It’s the biggest scientific discovery in world history. I’ll make a fortune out of this.

  2. Genevieve Belleville, from Laval University’s School of Psychology in Canada, who led the study, said: “These medications aren’t candy, and taking them is far from harmless.
    Wow, now there’s a fucking revelation. I must remember not to confuse my Smarties with the little pink pills beside my bed.

  3. Reaper – You’re too late.  They way to do it is to announce what you are going to discover, then apply for funding.  Finally you announce your results which, to everyone’s amazement, is what you set out to find in the first place.  You have done it the wrongf way around.

    Mossy – Shit!  I suppose I had better stop feeding my pills to the granddaughter then?

  4. There was another one today on the British Bullshit Corporation about how they’ve discovered that old people who can’t get up out of their chair, or squeeze your hand very hard, are more likely to die that old people who can do those things. Genius.

  5. Shit!  I suppose I had better stop feeding my pills to the granddaughter then?
    Probably a good idea if you don’t want to incur the wrath of her parents. Child deaths can be very upsetting. Nearly as bad as old people dying. Heaven forbid.

  6. Ciaran – Next thing they will make the astounding discovery that people in their nineties are more likely to die than people in their twenties?

    Mossy –  I don’t care what her parents say, I think the extra muscles look great on her.

  7. I pretty much agree with you apart from your nonsense about cancer. I saw a figure a couple of years ago by the American Cancer Society. Out of 200,000 + people who  died from lung cancer only 25,000 had never smoked. 

  8. tt said “Out of 200,000 + people who  died from lung cancer only 25,000 had never smoked. ”
    And how many of any group of a similar age had NEVER smoked? Not far off the same proportion, I suspect.

  9. In a study lasting more than two decades, I have discovered a disturbingly high correlation between contact with medical practitioners and death.

  10. My studies have concluded that I am more likely to get drunk on a Friday night than any other (Apart from Saturday).
    My studies have also concluded that tonight is Friday.
    In conclusion…… Erm,…what was I saying?

  11. What I find most annoying about all this ‘research’ is that is all qualified with ifs, buts and maybes.
    Science is about facts, things that will or will not happen (yes let’s not wander into the quantum world) so research ‘suggesting’ that if I do x Y may happen is not research, its a hypothesis, a probability.
    These researchers have gotten increasingly lazy and are prepared to publish any old tosh nowadays. The peer reviewers should send it back asking for more concrete findings before allowinging it to be published.
    My pet hate – scientist who come up with equations to quantify how happy/sad/depressed/etc I am. Any scientist who publishes such bull should have thier lab coat taken away

  12. Welcome Peterloo.  I couldn’t agree more.  They are like the advirtisements on television – full of apparent information which is merely a load of disinformation wrapped in bullshit.  Where ahve all these eejits come from anyway?  They seem to be breeding at an incredible rate as it is almost impossible to opwn a paper without being blasted with some new “astounding finding”?

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