Farting on Twitter
For reasons I won’t go into just now, I have been asked to analyse my attitude to Twitter.
For a start, I fucking HATE the name. What fucking moron thought that one up? Why couldn’t they come up with a good old fashioned acronym like Fast And Rapid Texting? That way people wouldn’t be so fucking smug about bragging that they FART a lot or the fact that they are keen FARTers?
I joined FART quite a while ago, and did my best to get the hang of it. I persevered, but it still made no sense. In fact, I see I have FARTed a total of 2412 times, so you can’t say I haven’t tried?
What baffles me is the banality of some of the FARTs. Why should I give a fiddler’s fuck what film you are about to watch / are watching / have just watched? Why should I give a shit if you are walking down Fifth Avenue? What care I if you have decided to treat yourself to another slice of cake? Good luck to you, but don’t bother me about it.
Don’t get me wrong – it does have its uses. It is good for lamming out a quick emergency cry for help – “Accidentally drank Paraquat. Where nearest hospital?” or “Does anyone know Obama’s password?” It is also excellent for advertising links and articles that people have found. The latter is the one use that I do have for FART, and I have my site set up that whenever I post, I FART. It lets people know when there is a new nugget of gold on my site. I know they are just waiting for it, and it notifies them that bit quicker.
I do get the odd chuckle out of FART, but not often. Some people just regurgitate old jokes, which is a bit tedious. Some people have a great way with words though and can provide a quick smirk. Some people can throw in a quick comment about an event or some other item which can raise a laugh, but generally it just isn’t worth the effort.
A while ago, I decided to try FART out as it it were one of those old text adventures, to see what reaction I would get. I would write something like “Grandad has entered. Looks around. Grandad leaves”. One or two got the gist of what I was at, but my theory is that most FARTers are too young to remember text based adventures.
That is the nub of it. FART is for the younger generation. They like the instant gratification, and the ease of writing a message in less than 140 letters. It requires no thought. Some say it gives a sense of community, but it doesn’t do that for me because there is little of the one to one communication that a blog [another despicable word] provides.
I think basically that there is little wrong with FART.
It’s just that I’m too old for it.
‘the ease of writing a message in less than 140 letters’
Have my doubts there, it’s often trickier to make your point in 140 characters than a few paragraphs.
Martin – Ah! Maybe I should have said ‘speed’? Personally, if my message is too long for 140 characters, I don’t say it. I use another medium.
I like the FART idea .. folks can meet at FART-ups, re-fart FARTs that they like, tag their favorite FARTs, hold annual Irish FART awards ceremonies. Your post really clears the air 😉
The whole thing smells to the high heavens. I’m still pissed at all the texting. Can’t have a conversation with anyone that they aren’t busy texting to someone else. Chaps my hide. It’s so rude to my way of thinking.
Didn’t like it when cell phones first came out either, some idiot yelling into their phone three isles over, that they couldn’t decide on which size, color, brand to buy. Now I have to listen to them wandering around yelling into a hidden Blue thingy and texting. Give me quiet thoughts.
Brighid. You don’t have to listen to them. Get yourself a portable signal blocker as I did. As for you GD; I agree with you about twatter. Although I do sometimes think you are using another medium. Gypsy Rose Lee.
Fast and Rapid mean the same thing.
How about Fast And Redundant Texting or Fast and Ridiculous Texting.
Seamus – Time to start a campaign to change the name? 😉
Brighid – I couldn’t agree more. Phones were grand but why did they have to invent that texting lark? I do use it myself – about twice a month, but these idiots who spend their lives at it?
TT – Heh!
Brianf – That struck me after I had posted. I was going to vchange it but then decided fuckit. Fast And Ridiculous Texting is fine by me.
so you would you FART on the DART grandad? fnar fnar
I think the term ‘micro-blogging site’ is a complete misnomer, especially with regard to the kinds of blogs I like to read.
Twitter has added nothing to my life, and annoys the fuck out of me with its ‘failz’ and its ‘peeps’ and its other rapings of the English language.
Whenever I hear the word I think of Monty Python’s ‘Upper-Class Twit of the Year’ sketch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSqkdcT25ss
Twitter, Facebook and now FART? The whole concept frightens me half to death!
Joined ‘Gather’ once, for about 2 days and then pleaded to be ‘let out’. The staff were very polite when enquiring as to why I wanted to escape..er.. leave, ‘so soon’ – but after I explained that hoards of strangers were stalking me, by claiming to be my friends (!) they let me go and didn’t bother me again. Phew! Lucky escape there….! Reckon I’ll stick to the occasional blogging. Why don’t you like the word ‘blog’ GD? What else should it be called? E-log? Clog? Fog? Gog and Magog..? Bog?
Becky – I have done, on many an occasion. 😉
Radge – Couldn’t agree more. What the fuck has it got to do with blogging? It’s like comparing toilet graffiti to a novel. As for those fucking words they have started using – fuck!!
Welcome, Tony S! Hah! Me too. When I first heard of it, Monty Python was my first though. My second thought was that they can’t be serios. Unfortunately, they were.
Geri – Never heard of Gather. I hate the word ‘blog’ because it sounds like something rather painful being ejected from the human body. ‘Weblog’ is fine, I suppose? ‘On Line Diary’ [OLD!!]? Anything but ‘blog’.
Hey GD
I am in fact a contributor past … have just moved to grasses greener, hence the new ‘flag’ … I gave Ireland a second chance, but left last year in disgust – foolishly I thought that our political masters had turned over a new leaf.
But some things should never be left behind nor forgotten, like your good self. Keep it up!
Tony S.
Tony S – My apologies. I just assumed because you went into Moderation……..!
“I thought that our political masters had turned over a new leaf“
Mwaaahahahahahaha!!!! Oh God! Thanks for the laugh.
Hi Grandad!
Just to add my two cents – re: your point about not caring about what film you’re watching, walking down Fifth Avenue, etc.
I think that the appeal of twitter is that you don’t have to listen to that… from people you don’t care about. They’re not forcing it on anyone, people subscribe to FARTs/Tweets of the folks they’re interested in.
Take, for example: my brothers. They’re rarely at home and since they’re my brothers, I’m quite interested in their tweets. As such, I follow them.
You don’t follow the people you don’t care about, and you do for the ones you do, that’s how I use it anyway.
Howya Tommy!
My problem is that if I stopped following all the people who FART strange things, I would end up following no one! I concede your point about following your brothers is an excellent one, but the only remaining member of my family doesn’t FART or do anything much [except dribble the odd time] so that’s out for me.
I have watched and thought, why why, so i came to the conclusion that people just love being followed (although that is a crime now).
What i have an issue with is the super star generation, I like PM’s when i never see them or hear them and they just get on with it… nowadays they want to be in our faces with this or that every minute… a piece of advice.. shut the fuck up and do what you are there to do..manage the borders and make sure we don’t have a rebellion from within… otherwise just fuck off we can sort it out given a bit of time…
may write a blog one day if i am still allowed about the perversion of power of many a small minded person!
Mort