Can we just agree on one thing at least?

Can we all agree to drop all this shite about New Year’s Resolutions?

You know it’s all crap, and I know it’s all crap so let’s nip it in the bud right now.

Every year it’s the same old verbal diarrhea. You are going to lose weight, or you are going to give up smoking or you are going to be nicer to people.  Bollox.  We both know that after a couple of weeks you are going to slip back into your old ways and resolutions will thankfully be forgotten.

But in the meantime you have become an insufferable bore.  You can’t help but be smug about your new abstinence or your new found personality, and everyone grows to hate you.  When you slip back into your old ways, not only have you lost all your friends, but now you are full of self loathing for failing in your quest.  So all you have achieved is the loss of your friends and your self esteem, and have gained nothing.  Is that a good bargain?

Anyway, what is all this nonsense about self improvement?  What is there to improve?  So you smoke a few packets of fags a day?  Good on ya.  Carry on enjoying your puffing.  And unless you are in the Mary Harney league, forget about diets.  What’s wrong with a little extra bulk?  It will keep you warm on the cold days.

I made one resolution back in ‘65, and I have managed to unwaveringly keep it.  I resolved never to make another resolution.  I am all the better for it, even if I am still smug about the fact.

And can someone tell me why we should only wish happiness on prescribed days?  That always baffles me.  Tomorrow, and the day after are no different from any other days of the year, apart from being cold, wet, dark, windy and miserable.  Their only significance is an arbitrary number.  There is nothing to distinguish them apart from a calendar on the wall?

But we all have to go all gooey and squishy and make resolutions and wish each other a Happy New Year, and make lists of the best and worst of 2009.  The first person to wish me a Happy New Year is going to get my size 11 up their hole.

Mind you, New Years Eve does have one good thing going for it.

It’s yet another excuse to get totally rat-arsed.

As if I needed an excuse?