Celebrity Gossip
One aspect of modern society that has me utterly baffled is the cult of the ‘celebrity’.
What the fuck is that all about?
When I was a child, my ambition in life was to be a train driver [that was in the days of steam locomotives, and the driver was The Man]. Nowadays, ask any schoolchild what they want to be when they grow up and they’ll tell you they want to be a fucking ‘celebrity’.
I looked up ‘celebrity’ in the dictionary, and it basically defined it as ‘someone famous’. But that can’t be right? You wouldn’t exactly call Brian Cowen a ‘celebrity’ but he is famous [or infamous] enough? Then you have someone like Paris Hilton, who basically seems to be famous solely for being famous [and wearing no knickers] who is classed as a ‘celebrity’. Why?
The way it seems to work is that someone does something and becomes famous. Because they are famous then everyone, for some strange reason wants to read about them. So they are in the papers more, and they become even more famous. It a vicious circle. Why people want to know about famous people is beyond me, but celebrity gossip seems to be all important to the brain dead youth of today. And if I ever hear the expression ‘celeb goss’, be warned – I have an immediate reaction to hang the offender from the nearest lamppost by their intestines.
What brought on this little brain fart?
Tiger Woods is a bloke who apparently is famous for hitting a ball around a field with a stick. Big fucking deal. I use golf clubs to clear dog shite off my lawn, and I can guarantee I have hit more cars than Tiger Woods, but I shun the limelight, so I’m not a ‘celebrity’. Thank God.
Anyway, Mister Woods crashed his car into a tree. So? Was he pissed as a coot at the time? He says not. Was he on some chemically induced trip at the time? He says not. Was he robbing a bank at the time? Not unless his house is a bank.
So why all the fuss?
I hit trees all the time. Especially when I’m driving home from the pub. It’s no big deal [as they say Over There].
So why all the fuss over a golfer driving his car into a tree? It has been in the papers, and on the television news, for fuck’s sake. Even that bastion of respectability, the BBC has run the story on their news.
Will someone please explain to me why it is so vital that we know why a chap drives a car into a tree?
C’n I have your autograph, Mr Grandad? Its for my niece.
Cap’n – Of course you can. Provided it’s not on a cheque. What do you want it for? [*Niece, my arse!*]
It seems that not only did Mr. Woods crash his car, his wife also broke out his back window with a golf club. The public version of story was that she did it to “rescue” him from the vehicle.
It has been rumored that Tiger was seeing another women, his wife found out about it, and was going to break “him” with the golf club. He was attempting to escape from her in his car, she broke the car rear window, and he crashed.
Why do we care? Because if we were not dealing with trivial issues like this we might realize how bad things really are. We would rather rearrange the deck chairs and give song requests to the band as the Titanic sinks.
Jin C – So he managed to get a hole in two, as it were? Fair play. But does this mean that any bloke who is caught dipping his wick in someone else’s oil can is going to appear on the news? Oh, fuck!
He should have been using his driver.
He’ll be feeling the pinch in his wallet soon enough… I wouldn’t mind but the two alleged affairs he’s had have been with two right munters compared to his missus. Maybe he found out the missus is Fianna Fail all the way and (understandably) he’s been having ‘problems’.
Mind you, Grandad can comment on this case because he’s got a nutty female guineapig in his place who I wouldn’t allow hold a golf club under any circs.
I agree GD the hype is absurd. You know the “story” is even finding its way into blogs.
Maxi – Do you use a driver in the rough?
Cap’n – What the fuck have my nutty female guinea pigs got to do with it?
TT – Has it really? That is very sad. Why do I feel that my life wouldn’t change one squat if every fucking ‘celebrity’ vanished off the face of the earth?
Yeah drives me mental all that twattle. Instead of real news and interesting useful information, we’re told what colour someone’s puke is and how wide the footpath was where it landed.
Landed here just as 9pm RTE news headlines on TV – guess what’s got coverage! Tiger and his woody! (Apparently he regrets his transgressions – oh dear!)
Oh and GD, looks like your server is still on summer time – but hey so what i hear you say!
Oh, that was a good one TT.
The only thing Mr Woods will be taking out of his trousers for the foreseeable will be his wallet, pity though, I always admired him for the way he managaed to go about his business without attracting this kind of attention. He always seemed to be able to avoid the media frenzy that surrounded other well known sports stars, he seemed to put his family first & did everything possible to protect their privacy.
The problem here was he was too clean and the media have been waiting for a fall from grace & what a fall it seems they are going to get.
As far as I am concerned, provided he keeps clear of all my wimmin, he can shag his brains out with the world. That is between himself and his wimmin. Why should the rest of the world care? Unless he’s boning your missus, that is?
Mick – All of Head Ramble Manor is on Summer Time. I never got around to changing the clocks. It makes the evenings brighter too.
Grandad- one of these days Minnie & Co will chase you out of your house with little golf clubs if you keep interfering with the Cage-Biting Escape Plan.
It’ll be in all the tabloids and then you’ll understand …