I thought I had better explain something.

Some of you may comment on this site, and then get annoyed when I don’t respond.  There is a reason for this.  I have gone deaf, so I may not hear your comment.

After our little temporary move to France, I came home to a nice friendly dose of Mary Harney pig swine flu, which was fine.  Being a Person of The Mountains, I don’t hold much truck with medication, preferring to rely on the old fashioned remedy of a bottle of whiskey a day.  The flu went [eventually] but it left behind a chest infection and a drop of a hangover which I have had for the last six weeks.  That was fine too, but last week my ears went.

I have had tinnitus for years.  A specialist reckoned that it may have been caused by using a sniper rifle without ear protectors, but being a Person of The Mountains, it was beneath my dignity to ever wear them.  I suppose it does leave me open to suing myself, but I’ll leave that for another day.  The tinnitus is a simple enough thing to live with.  It is just a whistle.  If you want to experience the delights of tinnitus, just turn up your speakers and play this:

Now play it in a loop, going twenty four hours a day, every day of the year.  Nice?

Anyhows, when I said my ears went, what I mean is that the tinnitus suddenly stepped up its volume three fold, and my left ear went deaf.  So as well as the whistle, I am now bombarded with the sounds of my own breathing and my heartbeat.  The latter does have the benefit of being vaguely reassuring.  At least I shall know if I drop dead from a heart attack.

I have noticed that the deafness is not constant.  It has a strange habit of varying according to circumstances.  It seems to be particularly bad whenever Herself wants some job to be done, or whenever it’s my round in the pub.  It’s fine however, when Sharon is whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  Maybe I should write up a paper on that phenomenon and submit it to The Lancet?

So if you are leaving a comment on my site I would ask that you do things.

Could you make it loud?

Could you please confine yourselves to the right hand side of the keyboard as it’s my left ear that gone?

Thanks.