Dear Retailers
Dear Retailers,
Yes, I am aware that Christmas is on the distant horizon, but I would like to point out that it is but one day, and hardly warrants nine weeks of advertising.
It is just one day. That’s all. Twenty four hours. There is absolutely no need to get your knickers in a twist over it.
There is one thing I like about Christmas, and that is that it nearly coincides with the Winter Solstice [no accident, I may add]. Come that day, and the evenings start getting lighter. It’s a small milestone in the year, so please get things into proportion. It is not the only day in the year when people spend money. It is not the only time I buy anything.
To those of you who are advertising sitting room suites and promising delivery in time for Christmas, I would like to point out that if I buy furniture, I expect delivery within days, not months. If you have to brag that you will have delivery in time for Christmas, then you obviously have delivery problems and your company should be avoided like the plague.
To those of you who advertise your rubbish as being necessary for the “perfect day” – fuck off. I cannot imagine any day being ruined because I don’t have an air freshener or the latest CD by some fifth rate performer, so just please drop that expression. The mere mention of “the perfect day” irritates me, and I promise that any company who uses it within earshot will be firebombed. Be warned.
I know times are hard in the retail business. I know you are desperate. But if you thing you are going to lay your grubby little hands on my pension by shouting at me you are going the wrong way about it. On the contrary, if your advertisement annoys me [and all advertisements annoy me] then I shall go out of my way to avoid your tacky little product.
So here is the bargain….
You save yourselves a fortune in advertising costs, and I will try not to burn your premises down.
OK?
Grandad
Moving south ten years ago, we were astonished at the hype surrounding Christmas in this jurisdiction, perhaps Protestants are just mean and try to avoid spending money.
I’ve even heard it described as the most important day in the Christian year. Hello? What Bible is that from?
The Bible according to the Retailers Association of Ireland.
I hate Christmas, really really hate it. I hate not being able to buy a newspaper in November without hearing fucking Jingle Bells or some other shit playing in the background. I hate crowded shopping centres, being unable to find parking anywhere & most of all I hate advertisements. “The must have item” to make your day special & memorable, Fuck Off. What happened to last years must have piece of tacky shit?
My wife tells me I am becoming a grumpy old man, we now have two young children so I have been told to cheer up for their sake, I will because I love my children but there is no fucking way I’m taking them to see Santa in Arnotts, no way.
Arnotts is on Henry Street and the only time I will queue on Henry Street is to see it burn. Also if someone speaks to me in the queue what do I say, I know nothing about keeping horses or pidgeons in my urban garden.
Well, some of them might welcome being burned down, as the insurance money would provide some welcome (albeit brief) liquidity. Sounds like win-win to me.
Chrsitmas ought to be celebrated every five years.
Another thing I hate about Christmas is all the Charities that are out collecting on the streets and shopping centres.
Help the sick, poor, old, deaf, blind, disabled, those with cancer etc.
“Don’t forget the poor this Christmas”
I don’t object to charities or to charitable giving, in fact I donate to a number of charities on a regular basis by standing order.
The ones that piss me off are the ones selling fucking scratchcards, you know the ones, they are to be found outside shops & post offices in every town. How much of the money they collect actually goes to the charity is highly debatable & they really annoy me. I was asked to help people with cancer by one the other day, as I walked passed her without stopping she gave me the filthiest look you could ever imagine. I care about people with cancer, I just don’t intend giving you the money so that 75% or so will go on administration costs etc.
Maybe I am becoming a Grumpy old man but fuck it I think I’m right.
Lafsword – I have to agree. I dread this time of year when we are all told to be Happy Happy Happy. I dread the gastly muzak in the shops. I dread the hype and the cheapness of it all. And then I am told I am being miserable. They can all fuck off as far as I’m concerned.
Thrifty – I’ll make damned sure that it looks like arson. That way – no insurance and a nice little prison setence.
TT – Make that fifty.
My friend’s little cousins were already begging to watch The Late Late Toy Show last month. I’m already begging for the madness to be over.
Lafsword – Jack Dee calls them ‘magic cards’. You scratch them and the magically turn into a piece of rubbish. Heh! I have the same attitude to charities – they also seem to think it is the only time of year we open our wallets.
“Maybe I am becoming a Grumpy old man“
Welcome to the club!
Liv – You should have kept a tape of The Plank kicking the doll. That would cure them. 😈
if I hear fucking Jonah Luey stopping his bleedin cavalry I will put my size 8 and a half through the speakers.
I intend to twat the first person to say “Bah humbug ” to me this year.
I fully intend to bring on a festive nosebleed. A merry christmas to you all.
Lafsword, 75% on administration costs? You should look at the accounts of some of the overseas aid agencies, it can be over 100%. They register here to get money out of the government.
Aaaaggggghhhh, Bumhug.
yeah i actually have noticed that certain prices on objects such as games consoles and mp3 players tend to sky rocket which totally sucks and i think that there is no need for this at all. I totally agree with you. its probably one of the most expensive holiday to come by and thank godness it only comes once a year. grr i hate christmas if i have to listen to any christmas cds this year i will throw them out the window shop owners and fmaily and friends alike you have been warned. This is where shep my border collie might come in handy he tends to eat cds for some reason and bad dvds as well.
Vicky – Your dog is a film critic? I always knew collies were intelligent!
Christmas is a whole lot better if you hire two Japanese prostitutes. Just saying.
Cap’n – I might try that. Have to farm Herself out for the day first though?
Yes- one for the single lads there I’d say, Grandad:) “On Donner, On Blitzen …” (ahem).
To a confirmed lapsed heathen c-*-^lic who is not into the whole Christmas thing it appears that MC’s picture resembles a green drag queen Santa. jingle balls, jingle balls…