I am going to hell
There are many things I abhor and detest in this world.
Crowds.
Shops.
Any place that is all concrete and glass, and not a blade of grass to be seen.
Combine the above three into one, and you get a shopping centre.
Again, there are shopping centres and there are shopping centres. Some are almost tolerable. Some are just mindless edifices dedicated to consumerism.
The king and queen of the latter has to be the Dundrum Shopping Centre, or as they prefer to call it, Dundrum Town Centre.
When I was a lot younger, I used to work in Dundrum. It was a pleasant enough little village with a couple of pubs and a television factory [where I worked].
They demolished that factory and a couple of hundred acres of surrounding land and built what I can only describe as a cathedral devoted to the god of hedonism. It is not a Town centre, as the centre of Dundrum is further down the road. It isn’t even a town. But they have to glorify it to con the ignorant masses.
I was there once. I had to call in to collect something and the experience was a nightmare. It is vast. It is anonymous. It is packed to the gills with the kind of shop that the world could well do without. There are 166 shops in the one building. One hundred and sixty fucking six shops. And they are all the worst kind of shop. Most are clothing shops selling fancy brand named crap to people who are as idiotic as the prices.
I have to go there today. I am dreading it, but I have no choice. To me, visiting that centre is only one step away from being dumped in New York. It is hell on earth.
I thought that while I was there, I might as well get a couple of yokes that I need for the car.
You would think that out of one hundred and sixty fucking six shops, one of them would be a motor factors. But no. There are forty one shops selling ladies fashions, but not one miserable shop where you could buy a headlight bulb. Fuck that.
Frankly, I can only think of one use for that place.
I’m going to use it to test fire one of my new batch of nuclear missiles as soon as they arrive.
I hope it’s full of brain-dead shoppers buying their NEXT and their Gap and their Tommy Hilfiger.
The world will be a better place.
It is a hole of a place. No shops of interest for day to day things, like you said.
I have spoken to the manager of the center a few times (used to live next to it and she used to work there) and he likes to think of it as a “boutique venue”.
Bollocks.
I like Next. Maybe you could whip a few items and bring them up to Cavan for me?
Maxi – ’boutique venue’ my arse. It is purely a place to separate dumb-fucks from their money.
E Mum – You can do your own damned shoplifting. You aren’t a Yummy Mummy, are you? *sigh*
Use the MRIV warheads for better coverage. You want to make sure you get all of it. other wise it may grow back.
I work opposite one of these places – directly opposite.. and some people think I’m lucky (?) ‘cos I ‘can go shopping in my lunch hour’ – no fear – I cannot imagine anything worse!
Well, the Hughs & Hughs bookshop is OK, though not strictly speaking part of the main place, which I agree is a blight on the world, designed purely for vapid and inane people to do vapid and inane things in a futile effort to give meaning to their vapid and inane lives.
Those places drain the life out of me.
I was dragged there once i think, horrible horrible FASHIONABLE shops.
I loathe fashion.
Shopping Malls. I dislike them them probably as much as you do. Lifeless, soulless places where creativity and hope go to die.
I am back.
It wasn’t as bad as I though it would be.
It was worse. Far, far worse.
It was crowded, full of fancy nancy shops and the noise was unbearable. Everything echoed around the place and I kept getting lost [in the one fucking shop. How can anyone get lost in a fucking shop??]
It definately has to be nuked for the sake of humanity.
Jim C – I will be using a deep penetration warhead, for an underground blast. It is essential to kill the roots to prevent regrowth.
Kate – Why would anyone go shopping in their lunchhour? Unless they need to buy lunch of course?
Thrifty – I saw mention of it, but it was ouside the range of my map, which only covered the first hundred square miles.
Welcome Morgor!! I now declare it fashionable to despise fishion. OK?
Brianf – As usual I have to disagree with you. Soulless, they certainly are, but they are packed to capacity with Trendies, Yummy Mummys and other forms of low life. It certainly sucked at my soul. I had to stop off on the way home to breath some good clean cow-shit laden air to stop my head spinning.
Was Kevin James there ?
It’s a hole I hate it soooo much, trying working there during christmas with all the stuck up feckers and screaming kids everywhere and everyone wants everything damn well gift wrapped!! uh i hate the place soooooooooo much!!
Where’s me vodka?
I’m in West Virginia for the summer, and think of you every day. There are shops here called “Smoker Friendly” in every town, that only sell tobacco products and alcoholic beverages…. often next to a gun shop. Obviously this is where they got their ‘almost heaven’ song from.
Good luck with the nuking!
While I agree that all shopping centres are dreadful places, dreadful must be looked at as being relative.
Liffey Valley S.C. is dreadful, is in a shit area & is full of Knackers.
Blanchardstown S.C. is dreadful, is in a shit area & is full of Knackers.
Jervis Centre, is dreadful, is in a shit area & is full of Knackers.
The Ilac Centre is, well fuck it, it’s the Ilac centre, no need to say anymore.
Dundrum “Town Centre” is in itself dreadful but as it’s in a good area, not populated by knackers and has a secure underground carpark it will get my vote everytime.
IKEA is opening shortly Grandad …. that’ll get your fear of shops and shopping centres in perspective!
TT – Who is Kevin James?
Jelly – You actually worked there over Christmas. You have my heartfelt sympathy. Or was it a sado-masochistic thing?
Susan – You think of me every day? I had no idea you had such feelings [but please don’t let Herself know]. Could you please bring me back a couple of crates of .45 hollow point ammunition? I’m running low.
Lafsword – I have never been in the Blanchardstown one or Liffey Valley for that matter, so I am no expert on those. The underground carpark in Dundrum is a very good idea. It would only take one fuel tank to go up and it’s bye bye Dundrum?
Paddy – In front of you lot as witnesses, I hereby swear on the Karma Sutra that I will never ever set foot in Ikea. I would rather make my own furniture out of matchsticks.
I would recommend using Tomahawk cruise missiles armed with high yield conventional warheads rather than of full bore nukes. If you can drive there within reasonable time then you’re way to close nuclear. Besides, with cruise missiles you can do “over the shoulder shots. Send several out, each in different directions. Run ’em out a hundred miles or so then bring each back so that they’ll hit the target from different approaches. Launch at night, keep ’em low and they’ll never be able to track them back to you and you’ll not have to worry about nuclear fallout or being within the initial blast area.
Or you can come live in Newport, VT. Lot’s of land, plenty of mountains, 5 auto parts stores and not a frickin’ shopping mall within 150 miles or more. Hell, we can’t even get a Walmart up here.
So why doesn’t this fancy new WYSIWYG comment box do paragraphs? Maybe has something to do with CSS styling? Don’t you just love off topic comments like this one?
I double spaced for this line. Let’s see if that works. If it does it’s definitely a CSS problem.
Edit: Yup, that’s what it is alright.
Kirk M – Tomahawks sound like a good idea. I could even announce them as a public firewoks display? [Come and see the rockets over Dublin Bay??] You are seriously tempting me with a move to the States. I know I have said a lot about America, but this God forsaken country seems to have adopted all the worst aspects of America anyway, so I probably wouldn’t notice the difference?
Sorry about the comment box thingy. I’m just doing some experimenting, and it isn’t finalised yet……..
yeah worked there for over three years, four christmases, (you know had to feed Maxi’s porn addiction), made some sweet commission but would never work in retail again, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
Sweet Jayzus!!!! Three years? What did you do to deserve that? Mass murder? And why can’t Maxi sort his own addiction?