Will someone please tell me what it is about U2 that makes them so popular?
They are reputed to be one of the biggest bands in the world, and their concerts are generally sold out within minutes, but there is one small fact that people seem to overlook…
They are fucking woeful.
There isn’t a single decent instrumentalist among them, and their singing [if you can call it that] is somewhat reminiscent of the sound of a tom cat being de-knackered.
Every now and then I am subjected to a piece of one of their efforts, and they always sound like they are playing the same tune. I admit to not listening very carefully as I would rather experience a thousand volts through my testicles [and I guarantee, I would sound better], but they seem to have about as much variety as a cream cracker.
This does seem to be an Irish phenomenon.
Van Morisson is another one who seems to be able to captivate audiences with his ability to croak out death dirges. He always seems to perform as if it is his last wish before execution. Yet people talk about him in reverent tones as if he could actually sing. Weird.
Of course if I really want to plunge myself into the depths of despair, I listen to Mary Coughlan. It doesn’t really matter which one. The one in government is bad enough, but to scrape the barrel of depression, one can’t beat the other one. Jayzus! If you replaced her entire bloodstream with liquid Prozac I doubt it would be enough.
Maybe I’m missing something?
Is there some secret trick to listening to these acts?
Is there some magic potion I haven’t heard about that you take, and it somehow transforms their efforts into real music?
Or maybe I should just take more drugs?