U2 can be a musician
Will someone please tell me what it is about U2 that makes them so popular?
They are reputed to be one of the biggest bands in the world, and their concerts are generally sold out within minutes, but there is one small fact that people seem to overlook…
They are fucking woeful.
There isn’t a single decent instrumentalist among them, and their singing [if you can call it that] is somewhat reminiscent of the sound of a tom cat being de-knackered.
Every now and then I am subjected to a piece of one of their efforts, and they always sound like they are playing the same tune. I admit to not listening very carefully as I would rather experience a thousand volts through my testicles [and I guarantee, I would sound better], but they seem to have about as much variety as a cream cracker.
This does seem to be an Irish phenomenon.
Van Morisson is another one who seems to be able to captivate audiences with his ability to croak out death dirges. He always seems to perform as if it is his last wish before execution. Yet people talk about him in reverent tones as if he could actually sing. Weird.
Of course if I really want to plunge myself into the depths of despair, I listen to Mary Coughlan. It doesn’t really matter which one. The one in government is bad enough, but to scrape the barrel of depression, one can’t beat the other one. Jayzus! If you replaced her entire bloodstream with liquid Prozac I doubt it would be enough.
Maybe I’m missing something?
Is there some secret trick to listening to these acts?
Is there some magic potion I haven’t heard about that you take, and it somehow transforms their efforts into real music?
Or maybe I should just take more drugs?
Could never understand the attraction of U2 – maybe it’s because I’m not Irish. In their defence, The Corrs are worse.
My idea of a Sartrean hell is to spend eternity in Dundrum shopping centre with the utterly anodyne Corrs playing forevermore
Ian – They are popular all over the kip, so it can’t just be an Irish thing. I am not a Corrs fan either but one of my greatest of all loathings is Dundrum Shopping Centre. It is Hell on Earth.
When I was younger (much younger) I listened to bands when their lyrics resonated with me for some reason… it’s been years since I could make out any words at all in pop music (do they still call it pop music?), so I’ll just build a fort out of my CD collection and hide in it.
So called “music” fans have been listening to high decibel noise for so long they are all completely deaf. So they simply pick a group and pretend they cam hear and say that they are good. Other see these experts and think that the groups they like must the good, despite the evidence of what they hear.
Of course as far as I am concerned there are only two types of music, Country and Western.
Susan – You have changed your name! I don’t know what it is called now. In the [good] old days there were about five types. Nowadays avery CD seems to belong to its own genre. God, but I’m sounding old!
Jim C – I did have a theory that we are witnessing The Emporer’s New Clothes here. No one dare admit that U2 are shite because of peer pressure. Not all modern stuff is bad though – just most of it.
Thing about U2 is that I know tons of people who have a story about meeting them and experiencing them as just ordinary people. I’m one of them. As much as I hate their music I can’t knock them as people.
But yes, their music as a whole should be put into a time capsule marked “Don’t open unless you’re a cunt”.
As for Van Morrison that man’s voice makes me want to kill myself and be reincarnated as Helen Keller just so that I don’t ever have to take the chance to hear it again or see him on the tv.
Enya. All the same. I suspect that every couple of years, the music company gets their marketing department to come up with a new title and packaging, and they pretend it’s a new CD.
I don’t think it’s a purely Irish phenomenon. I can’t make heads nor tails of Bob Dylan. Is he actually singing? Or is he just grumpy?
I have to say that i dont like U2 either. I think that bono is very self rightious in himself and he is so annoying. What annoys me about him that he gives wads of cash in poorer countries but he cant help his own people here. Just remember charity begins at home. As far as i can remember ireland is in a ressesion and i think bone could suerly threw a few of his millions this way. it would be more of a help here than it would overseas.
Have you listened to Shane MacGowan with The Pogues? Now there’s some singing!
Maxi – Oh. My. God!!! You MET them wow! Seriously though, I’m sure they are probably very nice chaps. I just wish they’d shut the fuck up. I take it you share my opinion of Van the Man? Heh!
Kae – I was going to mention Enya. She started off fine. She produced a varied assortment, but for the last few years she has fallen into the formula trap. I think she has buggered off to a Carribean island and has left the computer to churn out stuff on a regular basis. At least we don’t hear much of her now. A dead duck.
Daniel – Dear Shane was yet another name that crossed my mind when I was scribbling this morning. What the fuck to people see in him? [apart from a drunk with rotten teeth?] I hear he has cleaned up a little lately, but if I hear that fucking Fairy Tale of New York again I will scream. Kirsty MacColl was grand though
I’m of the same opinion about U2 but as mentioned above, there’s quite a few other bands/singers that fall into the same genre. Here’s my unasked-for points on the matter (please forgive…my days as a sound engineer rearing it’s ugly head):
Grateful Dead: 95% of their playing/singing was, well..really horrible, going off into jams mid-song that made the worst progressive jazz sound like easy listening. The other side of this was that that their music was actually pretty good and sounded a hell of a lot better when played by someone else.
Joe Cocker: Gravel voiced, spastic, brain fried by drugs, did songs by other people but even I liked his stuff. No explanation as to why though.
Bob Dylan: Most of his stuff isn’t even good when played by other people but he’s a legend nonetheless (could it be what he was saying?). Close friends with Arlo Guthrie, wrote songs for each other. Some of Dylan’s best pieces were recorded by Guthrie. No wonder though, Arlo could sing.
Van Morrison: Horrible voice, decent music. Again, much better when played by someone else.
U2: Fair voice, lame lazy-ass’d music, sounds just as bad when done by somebody else although I’ve never heard any band I ever worked with or saw in a bar include U2’s stuff in any of their sets…ever.
Could it be that most people have no taste?
Dear Grandad and his commenters. I beg you to stay away from the subject of music, henceforth. U2 are, and have always been, brilliant. Ask anyone in the business. You old farts.
They’re not that bad! Lyrically they make some sense and I don’t mind the sound although I gave up on them during the Virtigo tour – too many interruptions to the music about environmental and ‘make poverty history’ stuff. What I dislike is their ostensibly living in the Netherlands to avoid Irish tax. Then loads of bands move offshore to avoid the penalties of wealth. . . come to think of it . . so do loads of Irish generally. Someone has to bring world issues to the young and U2 do it pretty well. Sounding a little like tall poppy syndrome there Grandad!
Kirk M – Dylan was another ‘legend’ I could never subscribe to. Notice how all of these are ‘living legends’? Is anyone afraid to burst the bubble? Incidentally – is there any job you didn’t do?
Dear TT – My apologies. I never realised you were profoundly deaf.
Baino – I never read their lyrics, but that’s not what I am on about. Commentators talk about the ‘unmistakable sound of U2’ and they are right – everything sounds the same! Tall poppy syndrome? Is that an Aussie thing?
No. You were just born before The Great Divide that separated us from our parents.
I agree with you about U2 though. Sanctimonious bastards.
Bock – I don’t think it’s an age thing. I like some of the modern stuff. The Bay City Rollers aren’t too bad?
How about Robert Johnson?
Not really into Blues, Bock.
Yeah I suppose the old “Cream crackers” are noted for a lack of variety. They invariably turn up, talk too fast and stink the place up with their body odours and language. That Finbarr Furey can knock out a tune though.
Or on another vein of thought have you considered cream cheese with a sliver of smoked salmon?
Would you boring arseholes stop smelling your fingers after scratching your collective, aforementioned
nether regions – stick your heads up samesaid orifice and vanish – freeing up some space, albeit a miniscule one, for the sake of ,,,,, and whatever you’re havin’ yourselves
SAm – I’m not really into cream cheese either. I’m more of a red Cheddar man.
Bono – The only time I’m likely to stick my head up my arse is when [the real] Bono is caterwauling. It’s quieter up there and there is less of a stench of self-righteousness. I’ll have a Guinness, if you’re buying?
Would it not be fair to say that the ‘Beast’ that was once ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll’ has been tamed by over-marketing? Repackaged, unplugged, heavily sedated and feeding on it’s own faeces for so long it doesn’t know any other way?
Like an old Zoo animal, it’s had it’s claws removed, it’s teeth extracted, and it just stands there, shaking it’s head from side to side, unable to remember the days when it used to have a set of balls.
Personally, I blame The Doors. No particular reason, I just thought they deserved a mention for being spectacularly crap.
I have to say they’re latest albums are, to put it simply… crap.
However, I don’t think they are as bad as you make out. Go see them in concert, most definitely the best live band in the world.
As far as being musicians… They admit themselves that they can’t play – but they kept at it and made themselves the biggest band in the world.
you can’t knock that ….
Chris P – If you want an indication of the decline in modern music, just count the number of re-releases of 60s and 70s songs!
TJL – [Welcome, by the way!] OK, they aren’t that bad simply because there is a hell of a lot worse out there. What baffles me is how they became the biggest band in the world when there is also a hell of a lot better?
Yeah that’s the old chestnut isn’t it. You could say the same thing about many things though couldn’t ye.
Don’t get me wrong – I completely agree with you – but somethings just work well together.
An amazing desire to succeed coupled with an amazing manager possibly??
Gay City Rollers ?
TJL – It’s only an old chestnut because it’s true!
TT – Yup. Remember those tartan fuckwits?
Yes. He, Les, came into my local Irish pub a couple of years ago. Got talking to him. When my missus came in,an old fan of his, not knowing he was there, I pulled the old Sinatra thing on him. You know it “Fuck off Les can’t you see I’m busy.” He drank A LOT of Crown and Coke.Gave us free tickets for his outdoor show the next day. So we went. Had no idea he was a shirt lifter. I liked him though. Nice chap. Shame he was at the local horse farm. Not much of a gig. Andrew Gold was the supporting act. Bugger !
Sorry, late reply. Trip to Boston took me out.
Grandad – Sure, lot’s of things I’ve never done. Never flown a plane or jumped out of one for that matter. Haven’t ever been a lawyer to my recollection nor a writer. This is too hard so let’s see, things I’ve done…
Submariner during the Cold War
Pursued a long career in computers and R&D (defense industry) until the USSR went down the tubes then did the same at Foxwoods Casino (less than 4 miles from my house in CT, loved it).
Wrote technical maintenance procedures for morons (ensure this and ensure that…yawn)
Had my own mobile sound production side business called ‘Poor Boys Sound’ (till I became too deaf that is).
Sound engineer for various bands over the years. I miss that way too much.
Drove a taxi up in the mountains for 4 years when service related problems got the better of me (but no sharp objects allowed during that time).
Rode Harley Davidsons for 16 years or so.
Maintained and repaired home medical equipment.
Lately pursuing new career of out of work “disabled vet”. I’m having an awful hard time adjusting to it though.
So….do I get the job or what?
.-= >> Kirk M´s latest brainfart .. Those protruding bones =-.
Kirk M – That is an impressive list.
Mine isn’t quite as exciting.
I have flown a plane but never jumped.
Never been on a submarine.
Have written a book.
Worked in a market garden.
Sound engineer in a recording studio.
Cable TV system designer [for a long time, the only one in Ireland]
Managed a coffee shop.
Messed on PCs for a while.
Lately trying to kill a business I mistakenly started.
Actually, looking back on it, it is strangely varied?
As is mine. It just means we’re two highly intelligent yet highly flexible guys who have excelled at everything they have done in this life with the possible exception of Facebook and Twitter on my part.
But don’t ask me to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Or bungie jump for that matter. Hang glide? Well, maybe.
And is anyone else not getting comment notifications besides me? (I know…bitch, bitch, bitch).
.-= >> Kirk M´s latest brainfart .. Those protruding bones =-.